


Blonde Ambitions

by reaperlight



Category: Death Note
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Acting, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Assassins & Hitmen, BDSM, Badass, Ball Gags, Banter, Birds, Blueberries, Bondage, Breakfast, Chains, Chocolate, Clubbing, Crack, Crack Pairing, Crossdressing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dom/sub, Dysfunctional Relationships, Easily Guessed Password, Emotional Manipulation, Enemy Lovers, Enemy Mine - Freeform, False Pregnancy, Fight Sex, Fluff and Angst, Food Kink, Food Sex, Fun With Misa's Closet, Gags, God Complex, Gothic, Gunplay, Handcuffs, Hate Sex, Healing, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Humor, Insanity, Insecurity, Jealousy, Kink Meme, Leather Kink, Licking, Lolita, Lost In Chracter, Love/Hate, M/M, Matsuda Is An Idiot, Mistaken Identity, Motorcycles, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Not Lube, Not What It Looks Like, Oral Sex, Party, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Pets, Possessive Behavior, Protectiveness, Psychological Warfare, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Rare Pairing, Rebound Relationship, Russian Mafia, S&M, Sailor Moon - Freeform, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship, Seduction, Serial Killers, Sexy, Sharing a Bed, Shinigami, Shower Sex, Slash, Spanking, Surgery, Teasing, The Second Arc of Death Note, The Simpsons - Freeform, Unrequited Love, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, Wordcount: Over 10.000, Work In Progress, Yaoi, chained to a bed, mistaken for pregnant, unholy matrimony, villainous alliance, wammy's house
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-07 07:01:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reaperlight/pseuds/reaperlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Light goes to pick up Misa from a Hollywood nightclub he picks up the wrong blonde. Crack, Yaoi, Mello x Light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In vino veritas

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I do not own Death Note. 
> 
> Warnings: The pairing is Light x Mello, Mello x Light and will involve cross-dressing, crack. 
> 
> Cross-posted here: http://dn-kink2.livejournal.com/1491.html?thread=862931#t862931

Light typically didn't drink. He was above engaging in other such self-destructive behaviors that would kill his brain cells and shorten his lifespan—not to mention it would be irresponsible to wield his godly powers over life and death (well... _death_ ) while impaired—a God needs to be in control of his faculties...

In short the God of the New World did not handle liquor well.

That he accepted that cup some slut all but shoved at him had nothing to do with his current problems- _what problems? There's no problems—everything's under control!_ (like the fact that his plan to kill Mello had failed, or that it was his father's fault it had failed and his father was dead, and Near was hounding him, and Mello was still out there with the knowledge of the fake rules, and everything was unraveling... _JUST A SET BACK, NOTHING MORE!_ ) He just drank a little to blend in with the crowd... (not that that was at all possible, everyone here was so... _trashy_ ) and drank a little more (without realizing it) because... waiting around here for Misa to get done was oh-so- _boring_ and there was nothing better to do...

Compounding to this Misa's celebrity friends partied hard—the drinks they served here were of a much higher proof than was used by normal humans—also the aforementioned slut had previously slipped a little something extra-special into his cup that further negated inhibitions in the hopes of taking a certain beautifully handsome, lonely-looking, young man upstairs only to be surprised and disappointed when said pretty boy ignored all of her blatant come-ons...

The result was that Light, Kira, was currently smashed and didn't even realize it...

Light continued to search through the Hollywood night crowd for his dumb blonde minion (naturally being groped by most of the girls and quite a few guys along the way...)

He had been more than reasonable, Light fumed to himself. He waited up for her (he had learned to function on little sleep from the time he spent as a captive of a certain insomniac detective) but staying out past four in the morning was definitely pushing it. He wondered if this was some new ploy to get his attention—now she was going to make him drag her home...

He sighed. Why can't she just have a "good time" at home?

No scratch that.

Then she would want to have sex with him again.

That's why he let her go to the party, wasn't it? Still it was terribly inconvenient. It made him unnecessarily worry that something might happen to her... or rather his Eyes. Speaking of eyes his finally alighted on a blonde in a skimpy leather outfit, face pressed into the counter, drooling on the bar.

"Come on, Misa we've got to get you home."

The blonde gurgled a bit in response.

Light was too out of it to realize it wasn't Misa but to be fair even if Light was currently sober and sane, since the blonde in question was Mello, he probably still would have had trouble figuring out that "she" was actually a he...

And as for Mello, he was currently even more smashed then Light—otherwise he might have remembered and recognized the Deputy Director's son from the dossiers...

That Mello had drunk himself into a stupor only seemed appropriate after everything that happened—to say that he and Matt had had a fight would be like describing a hurricane as a bit windy.

He was entitled, wasn't he? To have one thing go right for him in this whole fuck up of his life?

He was so tired of being number two at everything. Here his plans to take out Kira were blown to bloody hell along with half his face.

Mello just wanted to be on top. One night!

Matt never let him top! "It was always, next time Mells, next time..."

When Matt said "next time" again it was the final straw. The resulting knock-down-drag-out fight wasn't so bad it was the verbal sparring that accompanied it. Matt was Mello's best friend since forever (and _more_ before what Roger would deem "socially appropriate.") So when they fought Matt knew exactly how to hit where it hurt—when Matt said those things to him it was like part of his soul was ripped away.

He didn't need this.

He was going to be number one! He didn't _need_ to rely on Matt or anybody!

As Mello stormed out Matt had delivered a parting shot about how he was just running away again... Mello wasn't running away and he most certainly wasn't moping over Matt! Believe it or not Mello's current pastime wasn't the plan. It was for work that he entered this night club. He saw the target, Misa Amane who might be the Second Kira go in but he quickly lost visual in the shifting crowd. Mello didn't really expect to find any new leads on Kira here anyway but since he was here he just drank a few shots to blend in with the crowd.

No it wasn't to forget about Matt. Matt was forgotten, totally out of his mind, Mello wasn't thinking about that pretty, auburn-haired, selfish bastard of a gamer at all...

They were over!

So why did that asshole have to follow him here? And what the hell was he wearing? A suit and tie? The very idea of Matt in a suit and tie set Mello off into a high-pitched giddy giggling fit that only affirmed to Light in his current impaired state that he was indeed talking to Misa.

Mello's thought process had currently slowed so much that trying to catch hold of a coherent thought was like trying to swim through a pool of molasses but he was pretty sure Matt was asking him to come home with him...

"Don't wanna..." Mello whined into the counter of the bar.

Seriously, he'd rather stay here and get picked up by some random stranger than bottom again tonight...

Light sighed tiredly; it seemed some extra incentive was needed (time to whore himself out again, wonderful). The things he put up with for Misa's Eyes...

"I'm sorry about earlier..." Ryuk was right, he did kind of take it out on her—not that he was really sorry, but it wouldn't do to lose his Eyes over something petty like this. "I shouldn't have said those things. When we get home you can do anything you want to me, okay?"

Suit-Matt now had Mello's full attention.

"Can I be on top?" Mello gurgled incoherently.

"Sure, whatever... Let's just get you home. You need to get some rest. We have tons of work to do tomorrow, remember—Mello."

Of course Light had meant they still had to find Mello. He had escaped with the knowledge of the thirteen-day rule. It could be disastrous. Not to mention he was a criminal. He harmed many innocents including Light's own family. He deserved judgment...

"Right..." To Mello it sounded like "Matt" was addressing him directly and quashed the last buzzing doubts in his mind that something was off. Matt was right. They still had to find Kira. He'd show them. He would beat both Near and Kira and be number one. He would avenge L... and he would rule the world...

"Tomorrow I need you to search again with your Eyes," Light whispered.

Mello giggled. Just what had Matt been smoking? Of course he would search with his eyes. How else does one generally go about searching?

Light steered "Misa" into the cab he had waiting for them.

Still it was nothing short of a miracle that they made it back to Light's hotel room.

Mello thought befuddledly that this wasn't their hideout. Did Matt manage to blackmail some douche or something in the few hours he was away? But that didn't seem too important –there was really only one thing on his mind at the moment—tonight he would be Seme!

Light's blonde companion collapsed asleep almost as soon as they hit the bed... And to think he was actually in the mood tonight.

 _Figures._ Light thought with great frustration. After returning from the bathroom he draped himself over the blonde in a suggestive fashion. Misa liked to cuddle. It shut her up and kept her happy.

Tonight was no different it seemed. The sleeping blonde snuggled into his warmth and then began pawing at him in her sleep—nothing unusual there but... Light groaned he had thought he had taken care of his problem in the bathroom earlier but here it was back again...

Mello shot awake when he felt the other's hardness pressing up against him—to think he had almost lost his chance like this!

Light startled as "Misa" suddenly lunged at him, forcing him onto his back beneath "her."

"What do you think you're doing?" Light asked dangerously. He thought he made it plenty clear in the early years of their relationship exactly where they stood.

"Didn't think I'd forget your promise, did you?" Mello slurred darkly, ripping Light's shirt open.

 _That's right I said I'd let her do anything..._ Light was kicking himself, sure Misa would do anything he asked, but he had forgotten how aggressive she could be if he let her off the leash. But Light thought that this was something that even Misa had already figured out. It was fairly obvious—Light wasn't too fond of having sex with her but he did like power and control—if Misa was properly submissive and worshipped him she might get what she wanted. But as his body betrayed him Light wondered why that wasn't so tonight.

For some reason he was getting very excited as the other nipped and sucked possessively at his neck and for the first time Light's clouded mind wondered just what was in his drink...

Light felt those fast, practiced fingers flying all over him, and he was getting much more worked up than usual. He tentatively touched back—he hadn't touched her in a while and was beginning to wonder if she was letting herself go just because he had asked her to quit the movie. Not that he minded—she was still rakishly thin, what most sane people would call dangerously underweight (it wouldn't do for his Eyes to die of malnutrition.)

Light's fingers found their way into the other's mess of blonde hair as the other freed him from his slacks and began sucking him off, teasing him slowly. Light managed to maintain his self-control throughout. But he couldn't help but wonder why Misa seemed to be trying to so knock him off-guard tonight...

"Hey! Why'd you stop? ...the HELL?" Light admitted it—he lost his cool a bit there when the other left him straining and Light suddenly felt the intrusion of fingers up his ass. The other twitched and curled inside him and Light felt a thrill go through him.

Light never knew she was into this kind of stuff...

And how exactly did this happen? That she got him naked while she was still fully clothed? Light began to tug against the other's leather jacket but then those fingers rubbed against that spot inside him again and he couldn't stop the strangled, pleasured cry that escaped his throat, for just a moment his eyes clenched shut, his hands fisting into sheets...

He was beginning to lose it. That was unacceptable. He could not afford to show weakness, even to Misa, and so he struggled hard to regain his failing control.

Meanwhile the other got the hint and quickly shed out of his leather and then resumed moving over him...

And then Light felt IT grind against him...

_Wait a minute..._

...and with widening eyes and mouth agape made a genius deduction...

 _Not Misa. Definitely not Misa! Who's...? And where's...?_

"You promised! I top tonight! GOT IT?" the other man snarled as he roughly pinned Light to the bed.

Then the strange man was all over him again and Light decided that at the moment he didn't really care.

True the back of his mind was screaming at him about the consequences of this—how he was literally so dead if Misa found out that he brought a man home and did it in their bed but...

_Misa should forgive this one damn time! Besides God shouldn't have to ask his follower for permission! I'll just lay it on thick... And I'm drunk... I can tell her that I had nothing to do with it, it was all this horny asshole taking advantage of me... yes, Misa would buy that and immediately kill whoever dared to take advantage of her Light-kun... She doesn't own me! That settles it, I'm doing this._

He had long neglected his own needs and for some reason tonight he was feeling incredibly horny.

_Convenient. This is just... convenient..._

"Alright..." Light replied coolly to the other man. "I will permit it."

The other seemed to take his cool attitude as a challenge. "I'll have you begging, smartass!"

They both groaned as the other man ground them together. Mello just had to make it a competition. A competition between the two of the most stubborn guys on the planet—unstoppable force meet immovable object.

Never one to back down from a challenge Light began teasing him right back. This surprised Mello as it seemed the other was so shy to begin with and he kept it up no matter how many times Mello barked at him, or swatted him away. Light leaned up and licked along the other man's jawbone, his sweat tasted oddly sweet (in fact he almost tasted like...) Light groaned and unconsciously gave the other easier access. When Mello saw the needy look in the other's eyes he decided that he had "won." It was not quite the begging he wanted from the other man but he didn't want to delay _his_ satisfaction any longer.

"You're tight!" the blonde man trembled above him.

Light was tearing up in pain. It hurt but he refused to let the other know how much, he stifled his cries and settled for retaliating by raking his nails down the other man's back. Still for all his bluster this blonde stranger was being surprisingly gentle. A series of choked whimpers escaped Light's throat followed by a loud moan as he began to lose himself to the sensations as the other man slowly teased both of them.

"Took you... long enough, Matt... fucking ice queen!" The other groaned.

Light growled at the wrong name but... of course this whole thing was a case of mistaken identity—no reason to get upset about it (he would have to find out who this "Matt" was later) but pretended not to notice for now. Mello took the other's frustrated growling and the nails down his back to mean faster. Mello slammed in just a few more times and they both released hard. Light glared with irrational annoyance as the other man collapsed asleep on top of him. It was rude... but it was convenient.

Light worked to control his breathing. He was exhausted and had a nagging suspicion that that was a really nasty hangover he felt coming on but he struggled to remain awake. He had to figure out what to do about... all of this. He rolled the other man off of him with care and began the painful process of sitting up and blushed. He was dirty. He could still feel the other's essence wriggling inside him...

_I have to kill him._

Not that it wasn't... enjoyable.

This was something Light would never have considered before. If he considered taking a man into his bed—and it would be _him_ doing the taking—he would have preferred to have absolute control...

Tonight was certainly unexpected.

It was exciting. _It was... **fun.** _

Light hadn't had this much fun in years.

_But drunk or not he's heard too much…_

Light looked regretfully at his lov—anonymous fucktoy's sleeping form.

_A shame really._

**"Woah!"**

Light startled as his Shinigami phased in through the wall. Ryuk's bulging eyes bulged further upon seeing the naked man in Light's bed. Light tried to refrain from panicking as he remembered he had the Shinigami following Misa...

_Shit! She's back already? ...No..._

Light felt a sinking feeling—something was obviously wrong.

 _Ryuk..._ There were none of the jokes or lewd comments he would expect to hear from the Shinigami having caught him in this compromising position—in fact the Shinigami looked subdued.

"Ryuk, where's Misa?"

**"Er... sorry if this is a bad time and all but Light there's really something you should know…"**


	2. Lion's Den

Earlier that evening Misa had gone out with some friends on a little boat ride around the bay. Said "friends" apparently didn't notice when Misa, who had too much to drink, had a little accident—she was currently at the bottom of the ocean.

 _Misa... is dead?_ "I told you to watch her!" Light roared at the Shinigami.

 **"I did watch her!"** Ryuk was surprised, Light was more upset about this then he'd expected... **"Really Light, what did you expect me to do? As much as I find you guys fun to hang out with I'm not going to die for you."**

_Misa is dead. That puts even more suspicion on me and at a time like this..._

Light grabbed for the trashcan.

Yes, this is one hell of a hangover.

"And she died in an accident," Light sucked in a breath, paranoia going into high-gear. Sure she halved her lifespan twice but that was a Shinigami's lifespan. Gelus surely had more years than that...

"So was it another Kira or a Shinigami that killed her? Did she get too _boring_ for you, Ryuk?" Light spat bitterly.

**"What? I'm not going to save your ass but I wouldn't kill you or Misa before your time like that! You're too much fun."**

"Then she did die before her time..."

Ryuk clamped his claws over his big mouth. That was more than he was supposed to say.

This was worrying. If there was yet another notebook user out there or a vengeful Shinigami (but in that case wouldn't he already be dead?) So most likely another notebook user then—and it could be anyone.

Misa was famous, her picture was everywhere. If someone else got a hold of the notebook and the eyes they would find her immediately. That's why he had Misa quit the movie when the Death Note fell into the hands of the mafia.

_I'm facing yet another opponent? Then there's no time to waste. I already had a contingency plan set up in case I lost Misa..._

"This is all very disappointing, Ryuk. But there is a way you can make it up to me."

 **"Oh?"** Ryuk always got excited when Light presumed to boss him around—this would no doubt prove interesting.

"I'm going to give you Misa's Death Note and you are going to possess a human of my choosing..."

Light watched the Shinigami fly out the window before returning his attentions back to the immediate problem—the blonde in the bedroom.

Light massaged his pounding forehead as he returned to the bedroom and was relieved to find that the other man was still out of it. As Light studied the other man he had thought was Misa critically—it was easy to see how he made such an error. His lover was a very girly-looking guy and looked quite a bit like Misa—they both had the same high cheek bones, the same hairstyle, and he had previously been wearing a similar leather outfit...

Light gently brushed the strands of long blonde hair out of the other man's face and for the first time noticed the nasty scar over half his face (just how impaired _was_ he?) As he stared at the other he had a sudden epiphany... he knew this guy!

_It couldn't be..._

Light rushed over to his laptop and with a few clicks pulled up the sketch from Wammy's House...

_It is... I..._

Light worked on not hyperventilating.

_Okay, just... relax. Calm down..._

_This is perfect._

Light smirked to himself... Perhaps he should have detoxed first because this plan was completely insane. (Blasphemy! Gods do not make mistakes.)

_Mello... or as dad discovered Mihael Keehl._

_In any case it's not like I can **ever** let him leave..._

 

***

 

Mello groaned; his head was spinning.

_This isn't our hideout..._

That's right, he and Matt had a fight and he got rip-roaring drunk...

So where was he?

And just what did he do last night?

Perhaps the more appropriate question was _who_ did he do last night?

Mello realized with rising panic he was naked and handcuffed to a stranger's bed.

He startled as he heard movement from the other room.

"Hey!" Mello shouted.

His captor came in from the kitchen with a breakfast tray loaded with scrambled eggs and chocolate pancakes in hand.

 _Guh..._ Mello forcefully shut his jaw. The other man was beautiful... and well knew it, he arrogantly, shamelessly flaunted it, as he paraded around in just his bathrobe. He looked pretty, delicate, but the way he carried himself screamed confidence and control. He was probably overcompensating. (Mello knew how that was.) The stranger kind of reminded him of Matt, he was just a bit taller and with darker hair, and...

_Oh crap._

The events of the previous night were still fuzzy but it didn't even take a genius to be able to put two and two together.

The other man smiled brightly. "Ah Mells, you're awake."

_Mells... Jesus! How hammered was I?_

"Who. _The fuck._ Are you?"

The other man flashed a devious smile. "Oh we know each other _very_ well, Mells."

"You... rapist!" Mello spat.

_Oh great going, Mells! Get wasted and fucked by Japanese Matt. Couldn't my beer goggles have picked something a little less obvious and..._

_Wait…_

_I'm not nearly sore enough to have been the bottom. That could only mean I must have topped..._

"Actually you got drunk and took advantage of me," the other man confirmed it. "Not that I minded."

 _Hallelujah._ If he wasn't currently chained to the headboard he'd probably be doing victory laps around the bedroom. (Now if only he could remember this historic event...)

Speaking of which—Mello shot daggers and rattled the chain in irritation.

"You passed out before giving me my turn," Light pouted cutely.

 _Fuck no._ Mello was about to say as much when the other continued...

"But if your head is pounding half as bad as mine I'd understand..."

Then the other undid the chain and put it on the nightstand.

_Wha—?_

Mello was bewildered by this.

Light's smirk was hidden as he busied himself with serving the pancakes. That was just a 'see, I-am-perfectly-trustworthy,' gesture, a trick that he had learned from L. He'd pull that particular brand of mind-fuckery late at night when his defenses were at their weakest and then try to get him to admit that he was Kira. Light recalled in his experience it was very effective and if he hadn't wiped his memories at the time it just might have worked.

Mello was left second-guessing. Perhaps he had misjudged the stranger.

Or not...

The other man had a "you-can-trust-me-implicitly" demeanor that Mello didn't trust at all.

But still to Mello this was beginning to look like a strike of good fortune. For the time being he didn't have to worry about things like his finding a roof over his head, or his next meal. Now he could just mooch off this loser. And look, his new wife had even brought him breakfast...

 _Matt never made me breakfast._ Mello moped bitterly.

Yet Mello couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

He glared suspiciously at the chocolate pancakes.

"I wasn't sure what to make so I just threw some stuff together," the other chuckled nervously.

 _Chocolate_ pancakes. Was it really just a coincidence or was it because this stranger _knew_ him?

Mello's hard-won instincts were screaming at him to get out... which was ridiculous. It was not like he was locked in the basement with a serial killer. It was just some fop. Some ridiculously gorgeous fop...

_I don't remember doing that... but I want to..._

Mello sucked in a breath as their hands brushed together as the other man served him breakfast. Mello found himself drawn up into those beautiful eyes like molten gold, eyes that were far too intense, too focused...

No... he wasn't the fop he was pretending to be. He was just a bit too rough around the edges... His mask was cracking and behind it lurked something murderously cunning.

No, this man was no Matt.

He was dangerous, he was... _interesting._

And, Mello decided as he continued to stare into those challenging eyes, he was (or was going to be) Mello's bitch.

"You're welcome to stay, of course."

As the other began to retreat Mello captured his wrist. The tray clattered to the floor, forgotten.

Mello leaned into the other man, he smelled of soap, and ink, and sweat.

"Shall we have a repeat of last night?" Mello's voice deepened with lust.

 _I have to win his trust somehow..._ "You're insatiable," Light forced a giggle as he pulled Mello on top of him. "Just don't think you're going to top every time. I'm very Seme."

"Oh?" Mello quirked an eyebrow, his actions seemed to indicate the opposite.

The other man shuddered as Mello marked him with teeth.

"It's just... you. You, you're so... rugged. And you caught me in the mood to experiment..."

Mello smirked as the other's defensive rapid-fire excuses and effectively silenced him by claiming his mouth. Their tongues locked in fierce battle only interrupted when they both finally broke apart out of a need to breathe. Mello chuckled as he continued to pleasantly wrestle with the other man.

"You know, I don't even know your name."

"It's Light."

_Light... why does that sound familiar?_

Things were just getting heavy when an electronic buzz could be heard from the other room.

 _Shit! Now of all times?_

"L, are you there?" Came the irritating, though filtered, voice that was still unmistakably Near.

Mello's eye twitched in irritation. That was definitely a mood-killer for more reasons than one. While Near's voice alone was a definite turn-off, so were all the implications of that statement.

That's where he heard that name before. Light Yagami—the Deputy Director's son. Mello remembered that the dossiers said he was just a graduate student, but then all the police had fake names and occupations listed.

_He's the one acting as the current L?_

Mello remembered that the new L was strangely obedient... but Mr. Yagami had told him it was Touta Matsuda... well _of course_ even a boy scout like Yagami would lie to protect his son.

_Does he know who I am, he MUST... I... I got his father killed and now he lets me screw him—this is so fucked up!_

"Well, aren't you going to answer that?" Mello glowered.

_There's no choice..._

Light got up to answer the call, by the time he had sat down at his desk he had rethought his strategy taking into account that Mello would overhear everything.

"Near, this is not a good time..." Light glanced at his eavesdropper out of the corner of his eye.

Near's filtered voice could be heard over the speakers as he repeated the story Light had told him again "The only reason you found Mello's hideout was because you had Kira's help but you don't know how Kira found the hideout. Mello escaped but you got the notebook back, is that correct?"

Mello gnashed his teeth. _Light_ was the one behind the raid on his hideout! And, as he thought, they had accepted help from _Kira!_

Mello came up behind Light and laid a hand on his shoulder, possessive with a hint of underlying threat but restrained himself from acting... yet. He wanted to hear what Light had to say for himself. To Mello's further fury Light ignored him and answered Near.

"That's right, stop being so obstinate! No matter how many times you ask me it's going to be the same answer. I've told you everything I can." Before Near could cut out again Light deflected the conversation back to him. "How about you, any new leads on Mello?"

"No, not yet. Have you?"

"Nothing yet I'm afraid. I have my men searching for him."

There was no mistake then Light _must_ know who he was and he was lying to Near and the other investigators. He was sheltering him, the man who killed his father? Why?

There was an odd pause on the other end before Near answered. "I wouldn't worry about it. I do believe that in time he will come to me and he will fill in the missing pieces in leading me... _us_ to Kira."

Mello was outraged upon hearing this. _Like **hell!** I'm not some **tool** for you to use!_

There was another pause.

"Mello is an important witness. If anything happens to him I will hold you personally responsible."

The line cut out.

Mello stared at the stranger he had slept with. As much as he hated to admit it, Near was right. That story, all of it, just didn't add up.

Unless...

Light was Kira.


	3. So Screwed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: More cussing, OOC Moments, headfuckery, and Mello/Light hatesex.

Light casually spun his chair around to face Mello. "Now where were we—?"

Mello smiled nastily. Light Yagami seemed surprised to see the blonde looming behind him, his gun trained on him.

"Was it something I said?" Light asked innocently.

"Shut up, Kira!"

Well, whatever else Light might be he had a hell of a poker face. "I'm not...! Wherever did you get that idea?"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Mello sneered. "You're acting as L! You know who I am! You spared my life! You're _lying_ to your own men, to Near! You fucking let me fuck you after I get your father killed...! You... you accepted help from Kira!"

Light calmly folded his arms across his chest and held his stare. "I'm sorry; I just don't see the logic there. If you look at that rationally that doesn't prove anything. I am merely acting as L because I was the best one available for the position when... it became open. No one knew about Wammy's House at the time, otherwise I'm _sure_ you would have been considered, Mello."

Mello gritted his teeth, his finger twitching on the trigger as he was _sure_ he detected a note of sarcasm in Light's tone. Did Light not see that Mello was the one with the gun? _He_ was the one calling the shots!

"Besides, L himself chose me for this position," Light continued casually.

 _L chose FUCKING KIRA to be his successor?_ "You... _LIAR!_ "

"I'm not lying. You're the one with the gun. What could I possibly have to gain by pissing you off, Mello?" Light said reasonably.

Shit, he did have a point. What gain would there be to say something so outrageous unless it was the truth? And (to his dismay) Mello could see there was a certain logic to it: Light was stoic where he was emotional. He was sociable where Near was cold. It was not outside the realm of possibility that L took a third option and chose Light ( _Kira_ ) as his successor. Especially if he was led to believe that Light was innocent... That meant L pretty much screwed over both him _and_ Near. And he worked so hard! For what?

"But then again... L might not have meant it when he said it. He loved screwing people like that..." Mello briefly wondered if Kira could read minds. It was almost as if he seemed to know exactly what he was thinking. "...playing these little games," Light seemed to wax nostalgic.

Mello was not amused, "Don't... don't talk like you knew him!"

"But I _did_ know him. And you would know that too... if you knew L at all." Mello's gun hand shook with rage. Light threw up his hands in a placating gesture. "I meant it with the highest respect. L was a genius of the highest caliber. He could run rings around all of them. Hmmm... and you too if you thought he was such a boy scout. It sounds like I knew him better than you did."

Mello's eyes narrowed. "I see what you're doing. It won't work on me, Kira!"

Light sighed and began again slowly, as if lecturing to a dumb child. "Look at this logically. If I was Kira why would I shelter you? Wouldn't Kira want you dead? And as for the rest... well let's just say it's a very long story which is best discussed after you put the gun down."

 _"Like hell!"_ Mello was becoming enraged at Light's blasé attitude as Mello continued to wave a gun in his face—like Light didn't even consider him a threat or worth his time. _Just like fucking Near!_

"Well then how about this for logic, _Light!_ " The blonde ground out, "You accepted help from _Kira_... But why would _Kira_ let you keep the notebook?"

 _Shit!_ Light realized Mello had a point. He hadn't even considered that. From an outsider's perspective it would seem strange that Kira wasn't demanding that the Taskforce return the notebook. Light was a little too close to the issue. He had seen no reason to demand the notebook since he already had it. And if Mello figured that out...

Mello noticed the slight look of shock that played across Light's face before it was masked under that calm façade. Mello grinned and continued, nastily. "...You heard him. Near _knows!_ He knows you're Kira and _I_ know you're Kira! It's all over for you!"

Light just gave an affable smile. "Are you really going to take _Near's_ word for it?"

" _SHUT UP!_ " It was infuriating how Light continued with, not just a calm, but a _regal_ bearing when quite literally under the gun… and wearing nothing but a bathrobe. No signs of stress other than the occasional droplet of sweat that dripped down his naked chest. (That was actually quite distracting.) Mello himself was only wearing the blanket he grabbed when he followed Light out of the bedroom. Mello felt his face heating up when he noticed how Light kept eying what the blanket didn't cover well. Light was Kira. He _slept_ with Kira. And here he was lusting after...

"You. Are. Kira!" Mello hissed in rage and mortification. "It ends here!"

Light looked surprised when Mello actually pulled the trigger but not as surprised as Mello when the gun clicked empty. Of course, Light had found it earlier while Mello was unconscious, unloaded it, and then replaced it exactly as he had found it. It was why he was able to keep his calm at all throughout the "ordeal." (After all, Light wasn't overly-fond of guns. Having your own father pretend to shoot you in the head tends to be a wee bit mentally scarring.)

However, Mello was still determined to wipe that smug grin off his face. Mello lunged at him, the handle of the gun cut through the air right in front of his nose as Light rolled the chair back at the last moment. He moved a bit too fast though, and the chair tipped back, and Mello was a bit too eager to follow him. They landed roughly in a heap on the floor, the empty gun clattered uselessly away. Mello's fist slammed into his face and Light quickly returned the favor. They traded blows.

"An eye for an eye, motherfucker!"

Light chuckled. "Oh, this brings back memories!"

Mello startled as Light grabbed him by the back of the head and kissed him, roughly. There was no transition. It was just another attack. Light drew away, laughing, as Mello attempted to bite his tongue. Mello pushed him down, pinning him hard against the floor.

"God, I fucking _hate_ you!"

Light quirked an eyebrow and glanced down. That's when Mello realized. They were both naked, he was lying on top of Kira, and they were both very much aroused by this.

"No, you don't you son of a—"

Mello groaned as Kira ground their naked flesh together.

"Sh- _Shit!_ "

"Poor Mells."

"Don't call me that!" Mello snarled.

"You're so _frustrated._ I see you've got another gun that seems to be very happy to see me."

_"FUCK YOU!"_

Kira leaned back in a surprisingly submissive gesture like a wolf bearing its throat. He gazed up at him coyly, that smug smirk still gracing his face. Mello contemplated how he could rip out, choke, (mark and claim) that beautifully exposed neck. The invitation was clear. Mello was momentarily flustered by this display.

_Fuck it! Why does he have to be so damn sexy?_

"Go right ahead. I'm not stopping you. Maybe you'll be more willing to talk about this rationally once you get it all out of your system."

"Like _hell!_ " Mello snarled and bit his neck, though softer than he had intended. The other countered by pawing at his chest, skillfully flicking at his nipples in a way that sent shivers up his spine. Mello growled and captured Light's hands and pinned them above his head.

"No way. I'm calling the shots around here!"

Light snickered.

"What's so fucking funny!" Mello roared and came to the conclusion that to be mocking him, Light must, at the very least, be fucked in the head.

"Well are you going to shoot me or is _that_ blank too?"

Mello gave no further warning as he roughly spread Light's legs and entered him for the second time in so many hours."F-fuck!" Mello shuddered as Light's tight heat clenched around him. It felt so good and without the usual pain he was used to experiencing from being on the bottom.

Light looked pained but gave no other indication of discomfort as he relaxed and then seemed to melt beneath him into a pile of writhing, pleasured moans.

"Like that, Kira-bitch?" Mello snarled.

"Oh yeah! Oh fuck, yeah!" Light moaned aloud and arched up into him. Mello growled, and bit into his chest as he fucked him harder. He had to be hurting him. Yet no matter how rough he was Kira sounded like he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

Mello growled and he grabbed the older man by the hair. Light mewled wantonly. He seemed to adore getting beat up by him. He was either a major masochist or he was just one hell of an actor...

"Fucking cumslut!"

"Don't stop!" Light growled out as Mello slowed the pace trying to get a handle on the situation. "I'll _fucking kill you_ if you stop!"

"That a confession?" Mello grunted in bitter amusement. "I've... caught you Kira!" Mello panted as he fucked him "I am L's successor! Not Near! Not you! I am L!"

"Ohhh! Hah! Say it again!"

Mello was puzzled as Light was quivering with excitement, painfully aroused. "I caught you Kira!" Mello snarled again.

"No, no, no the other part!"

With dawning comprehension Mello repeated. "I am L."

" _Lllll!_ " Light threw back his head and moaned, loudly.

 _Oh God! What the fuck kind of relationship did L have with...?_ No, he was ending that line of thinking right there. It was too much like imagining his father having sex. _But then maybe that's why he made him his successor,_ Mello thought nastily. This is a whole new level of fucked up... Still Mello never thought he'd discover a scenario where he didn't want L's title...

"I've... changed my mind," Mello panted "You... can... call me Mells."

"Oh _Melllllls!_ PLEASE, Mells!" Light groaned.

"Please, what?"

Light glared hatefully. He knew damn well what. Mello was painfully constricting him with his other hand, preventing him from coming.

"Please let me come!" Light groaned.

Mello snickered. "Not too proud to beg after all, eh Kira?"

"I'm not Kira. Please?"

"Say it again, bitch! You want me to let you come?"

"Please, Mells!"

"Then say how much you love my big cock inside you."

"F-Fuck!" Light shouted. It came out as a needy whine.

_"Say it!"_

"I love your cock," Light said through gritted teeth.

"My big cock!" Mello insisted, smugly.

"Right... I've... had bigger."

Of course Mello had to let go in order to punch him. Light came hard all over him. Mello was sure he somehow did it on purpose. Mello thrusted just a few more times before he was flooding Light's insides with his seed. They just lay there on the ground, panting, and staring at each other for a moment. The pair of them must make for quite a sight—bruised, bloodied, beaten, and covered in cum.

"Well Kira," Mello broke the ice. "You're a good fuck. I'll give you that much."

"I'm not Kira. But, thank you," Light said softly and gave Mello a chaste, loving peck on the cheek—Mello startled, wearing a deer-in-the-headlights look, but then scoffed at the very notion. As if there was anything like _love_ between them. But then someone as fucked up as Kira might not know the difference... Mello was thrown into further confusion as Kira snuggled up to him, laying his head down so that his silky brown hair was tickling Mello's heaving chest.

"I still want to kill you, you know," Mello politely reminded him.


	4. Pet

"I still want to kill you, you know." Mello politely reminded him.

Light didn't move from his comfortable spot against the other's chest as they lay together on the floor. He showed no indication that he heard Mello other than a slight shifting of the eyes. He flashed the other a charming smile, speaking through bared teeth: "I would advise against it."

Mello sighed, resigned, as he breathed in the other's scent. Light was a good fuck. It was a shame he'd have to kill him... Mello stopped himself. He shouldn't be saddened by his discovery. This was his moment of triumph! It had all fallen into his lap, so to speak. He had beat Near and Kira. He had found Kira first. (Or was it the other way around?) Mello frowned.

"Oh, why is that?" Mello prodded

"Because I'm not Kira. You'd be killing an innocent man."

Mello scoffed. "Try again."

"Seriously, if I was Kira why would I ever let a violent criminal into my home?"

Mello felt a vein popping in his forehead. "I'll show you violent…"

Mello caught the flash of fear as the other blurted out "I know your true name and face."

 _How…?_ No, Chief Yagami had spelled his true name aloud into his headset during their confrontation.

"If _anything_ happens to me that information will be sent to Kira."

In a flurry Mello was on top of him, pinning Light's hands with one hand, the other squeezed around his throat.

_What an ineffectual threat. He's just stalling now! I'll kill him before he has a chance to return the favor._

"How do you expect to write it with broken hands?" Mello snarled. "For that matter, how do you expect to write it when you're dead?"

 _"I can't recall it if you do that!"_ Light answered swiftly trying to speak as Mello began to choke him.

 _Can't recall it? Meaning he's already... He could be bluffing or..._ "You sent my name and photo to another Kira," Mello said with dangerous calm. There were _at least_ two notebooks floating around. It wasn't impossible he had shared his power with another...

He released Light's throat so he could answer. As Light coughed and wheezed for breath, Mello could feel how the other was trembling beneath him. He found that amusing—that the one who had ended so many lives was so _terrified_ of dying.

"As long as I'm alive I can cancel the order and the message won't be sent. You understand why I took precautions."

Mello mused it must be some sort of automated dead man's switch on his computer. Matt might be able to find it. But that would mean actually talking to Matt and when it came down to a choice between certain death and hearing another round of 'I told you sos' Mello would rather die...

Mello growled "So that's where we stand, huh? You or one of your flunkies can kill me with a scrap of paper if I don't kill you first with my bare hands. You know, maybe I'm okay with that outcome as long as I take you down with me."

"No you wouldn't. It's like I told you I'd sent the information to _Kira._ Nothing would change."

Mello frowned. He knew there were at least two Kiras out there and if what he was saying was true; even if he killed Light now the deaths would continue and it would by no means end it. "Besides if we killed each other who would be left standing? Who would be number one?" Light wheedled.

It hit him like a ton of bricks. "Fucking. _Near!_ " Mello finally released him and Light rubbed his bruised wrists.

Light glared up at where Mello was kicking over his coffee table in a fit of rage the glass shattered all over the floor. Damn, he'd have to clean that up later. But it was a small price to pay if... Light pressed harder.

"You heard him. You're just a tool to him. And even supposing you are _right_ about your theory there is nothing new you could tell Near that he doesn't already know!"

"I could tell him how you're a total cumslut and you'd enjoy yourself way too much in prison." Mello shot back nastily.

Light ignored the taunt for the sake of going for the win... "Near would have _EVERYTHING_ and you would be dead. Is that really what you want?"

Mello watched, mesmerized by the sway of Light's hips as he put on his bathrobe and walked across the room with a quiet dignity and grace and Mello wondered how the fuck could he even move after he came inside him for a second time in so many hours?

"Where the fuck are you going?" Mello snarled.

"To take a shower... and then to eat the pancakes."

"The _chocolate_ pancakes?"

"Of course. You're welcome to stay if you like."

"As if I have a choice," Mello scoffed.

"No one's making you stay. If you want to leave, there's the door."

Mello followed.

***

 

The blonde leaned against the bathroom doorframe, leering as Light stepped into the shower.

"If you're going to stay I suggest we get moving; we're running late as it is. We don't want to be late for work," Light said in a long-suffering tone.

"I fail to see how that's my problem." Mello shouted to be heard over the roar of the shower.

"Work is here. My coworkers are the cops that are hunting you," Light reminded him.

"I'll tell them you're fucking Kira!"

"And I'll tell them you kidnapped me. They'll believe my word over yours... that is if they don't shoot you dead on the spot."

Suddenly Mello was in there with him, and ramming him up against the bathroom tiles. Light retaliated by punching him in the face.

"The hell's your problem?" Light shouted.

Mello spat blood into the shower drain as he picked himself up off the floor.

"Well, gee, I don't know, Kira. Maybe it's that you keep threatening to kill me!"

"I'm not Kira! Seriously, _if_ I wanted you dead, you'd be dead!"

"Then why don't you want me dead?"

"Maybe you're just that good, Mello."

Of course the flattery went right to Mello's head but he still couldn't stop from thinking... _Or maybe there was something else._

In any case until he found out why Kira was keeping him alive... he couldn't just walk away from this... Not that he _wanted_ to walk away from this. Mello had to stop himself from drooling as the brunette resumed washing himself. He admired all those lovely red marks he left behind on Light's perfect body which weren't going away anytime soon. Mello had a sudden urge to give him more...

Showering seemed to be an activity Light very much enjoyed. Who knew that a bar of soap could suddenly seem so sinful and sensual as it glided across the other man's skin, Light wore a pleased look that was reminiscent of the other faces Mello knew he could make him pull...

The blonde smirked as he was struck by the brilliant idea. "Since I'm already here how about we shower together to save time?"

Light doubted very much that that would actually _save_ time but he needed to stay on the blonde's good side so... "Do as you wish."

Mello gawked. _Was that an invitation?_

Mello's face heated up when Light stuck the soap where the sun don't shine. "Hey! Who said you could wash that out?" Mello snapped on impulse. Matt would get terribly upset if Mello were to try and clean himself out afterwards.

Light simply glared at the blonde from the corner of his eye. He could feel what their earlier sessions had left behind like it was crawling inside him and it was beginning to itch. He was going to wash it out. Light did not dignify that with a response and continued to ignore the blonde. This very much irked Mello.

Light was used to having people stare at him while he was showering... Ryuk, L, Misa, the other boys in the locker room... So Mello's fucking him with his eyes did not bother him. However Light was also used to people respecting boundaries and playing by the rules—look but no touch, not unless invited (and invitations were rare to never—Light preferred to be admired from a distance, like a pristine God on a pedestal.) Light should have been aware by now that Mello did not play by the rules.

Mello waited and watched until Light let his guard down… and then struck, in a swift movement capturing his wrist interrupting Light's private session with Mr. Soap. Mello's other arm wrapping possessively around Light's hips as he pulled him to him, so Light's back was flush against his chest.

"Oh look, you dropped the soap."

Light just shook his head. "How juvenile."

Mello ignored him and pumped a lump of shower gel into his hand and then moved his hand down to pump something else earning a gasp from the other man.

"And, that was pointless because I'm just going to get you dirty again," Mello chuckled as Light let out an undignified squeak when Mello spread his ass cheeks again.

"Oh _come on_ , aren't you tired yet?"

Light could feel it pressing against him, the younger man had indeed recovered already.

Mello smirked again as he echoed Light's own words. "I'm just that good."

Light resignedly braced himself against the wall. The damn kid was insatiable. Light reflected that when he was that age he was never this horny... even when chained to another man.

***

The two young men left the bathroom wearing matching fluffy white bathrobes and matching looks of dazed, debauched dishevelment as they went to the kitchen. Light wordlessly reheated the pancakes as Mello made himself at home at the kitchen table, his eyes never leaving the man he had so… captured. He was utterly amazing, words failed, the sense of power he felt when he dominated the older man who Mello had discovered was a real wildcat in the sack.

Dammit, why did Light have to be Kira?

Or maybe it was because he _was_ Kira. The most powerful man on earth, worshipped as a God by the vast majority of humanity—a false god... that was his bitch. Mello took small satisfaction at how the brunette winced slightly when he sat down. The two mortal adversaries eyed each other wearily across the table; belying the tension in their stares their relaxed posture clearly showed that they were quite comfortable around each other. Mello was quick to find an excuse to touch him again, their fingers brushed together as they both reached for the syrup at the same time. He was suddenly struck with inspiration of what he could do to Light later with syrup... or better yet chocolate sauce—assuming of course he didn't have to kill him now. Things were sure to come to a head over breakfast. Mello waited for Kira to start to eat first to make sure the food wasn't poisoned.

"Alright Kira," Mello said around a mouthful of chocolate pancakes "I'll bite. Why _did_ you let a 'violent criminal into your home?' For that matter how did you find me? And most importantly why are you keeping me alive?"

Light hesitated in answering. Mello overturned the table. Light saw stars when the he was thrown on the ground and made the genius deduction that Mello had severe anger management issues.

"Answer my question!" the blonde roared.

"That was three questions," Light replied with stoical calm. "And I'm trying to think of a way to say this that won't have you pounding me into the wall again."

Mello's eyes softened as he stood over the brunette. "You like it when I pound you into walls... or floors... or beds..."

Light flushed and decided to answer him before they went on a tangent where Mello took it out of his ass again.

"You want to know how I found you? It's no mark against you that I did. Your evasive skills are excellent. I'm disappointed to say it was an accident. I was searching for you for weeks and then here you just crash into my life... I'm glad that I found you."

"You're saying I found you first, I beat Near... by accident?" Mello laughed bitterly.

"I believe it was a very fortuitous accident, for both our sakes. I can only think that it must have been fate that we met this way," Light declared as he fluttered his eyelashes.

_Who the fuck do you think you're kidding?_

Mello startled when Light pulled him down so they were sitting together on the floor, the murderer relaxed and lay back with his head in Mello's lap. What the hell was he thinking? Mello could easily snap his neck!

"What do you mean it was an accident?" Mello demanded.

Light looked uncomfortable but refused to back down seeing as his actions were making Mello even more uncomfortable. "I thought you were someone else."

Light watched Mello's expressions and was pleased to see that in addition to the expected rage there was also... jealousy.

When Light didn't elaborate Mello tried to remember their drunken conversation of their meeting. From what he did remember—the way Light deferred to him that person must have had power over Light, _Kira_ , to let him do whatever he wanted...

Mello stared at the brunette in his lap. It was a damn shame Mello was still recovering from their latest activities or he would make him suck his cock while he was down there. He was sure Light would. Kira was surprisingly obedient. In fact it was beginning to cause Mello to have doubts. Maybe Light wasn't really the mastermind after all. Maybe there was a scarier monster out there that was calling the shots... it was a possibility, however unlikely. Another was that Kira was just batshit crazy...

"But I'm glad it was you," Light said softly. "All things considered I'd rather it was you..."

Without conscious thought Mello began stroking the other man's silky brown hair. Yeah, that's how it was going to be around here. Mello was master and Kira was... a pet. Just a very dangerous pet that nobody understood...

For some reason Roger never let him keep Cocoa. Upon discovering Mello's pet scorpion the old caretaker had flushed him down the toilet. That of course was an idiot move as being flushed failed to kill Cocoa. He must have been understandably upset about the whole ordeal because he came back to sting some kid in the ass. Too bad it wasn't Near. That had been quite exciting and it was totally Roger's fault, not his. Roger shouldn't have gone flushing other people's scorpions in the first place. At the time he was sure it was Near that ratted him out but maybe it was Matt...

Meanwhile his sociopathic manipulator continued to manipulate. "I... I like you," Light insisted.

Lies, lies, lies. He had to be lying. But was there any truth mixed in or was it all lies? Mello knew he was being manipulated but he couldn't help but be drawn in...

Light's eyes rolled back in his head to look Mello in the eye from his reclining position, it somehow came across as both cute and slightly ghoulish at the same time.

"Also from a work perspective I'm glad I found you because that's a great load off if you know what I mean." Mello didn't because there were so many ways you could take that. Did he mean as L? As Kira? As the Deputy Director's son? Was he just relieved the chase had ended? Or because now he could have Mello arrested or killed? Maybe Kira had a death wish? In any case it appeared he was a firm believer in "keep your enemies closer." As Mello wondered Kira kept talking. "In answer to your last question, why I don't want to see you dead, it's because I am grateful to you..." Light deployed the sad puppy dog eye look as he entreated "and I need your help."


	5. Puppet God

" _What?_ " Mello gaped at Kira—the audacity to believe he would actually _help_ him.

" _Please?_ It's just a small favor. I'll make it worth your while..."

Mello was admittedly curious. "Let's see you grovel a little first... on your hands and knees," Mello joked. "And then tell me why exactly you are asking me."

 _The insolence!_ Had Mello forgotten he could kill him at anytime? Light gritted his teeth. He needed to stay on the blonde's good side for this plan to work it was too late to change course. So to Mello's genuine surprise Kira did as he asked and properly groveled before him.

"Please, I _need_ you."

Mello shuddered—that was just so damn sexy.

"I need someone with your skills, your genius, you're acting talents..." _Your blondeness, your waist-size..._ "And you need a place to stay, right? With this plan I can hide you right here, in plain sight!"

Mello thought upon the full ramifications of that statement. That meant that he'd have full access to the investigation. He could monitor Light— _Kira's_ —and Near's every move… just what the hell was Light thinking?

Mello crossed his arms and decided to test the waters, just how far would Light take this? "What's in it for me?"

Light began to get up off the floor but Mello forcefully pushed him back down. Light glared up at him defiantly. "Well for starters I will overlook your past and I won't try to have you killed if you don't try to kill me. Furthermore, _**I**_ will be grateful to you."

Mello rolled his eyes. As if he cared...

"Also, if you don't mind me saying if you want I've already made arrangements with the best plastic surgeons," Light began delicately.

Mello's face was a sensitive topic. He had been quite proud of his physical appearance, flaunting it. That was something he was sure he'd always be number one at—he would always be sexier than Near.

But then came the raid on his hideout and the resulting explosion that disfigured him. He couldn't go to the hospital. He was a wanted man. The hospital would be the first place "L" and Near would have looked. Mello nearly overdosed on painkillers, healing had been a slow and _painful_ even with Matt there to hold his hand. At the time he had found it comforting. Now he just found it humiliating. By the time it scarred over he was resigned to the fact that he couldn't fix it. It would cost too much money and would be far too traceable. Mello was sure it was a lost cause...

"That scar is very recognizable. It would be easier for both of us if you looked normal..." That Mello perked up and was looking hopeful wasn't lost on Light. "That's right; I'll get you your face back."

"Damn right you should!" Mello slammed his fist on the kitchen table. "And whose fault is this? It was _your raid_ that did this!"

Light didn't blink in the face of Mello's rage. "No one _made you_ blow yourself up. Frankly, I'm surprised that that's all you lost."

"Can it... can it really be done?"

"I've told the doctors of your situation and they've assured me that it can be done, that they can repair the damage. And they will... Or we'll find new doctors who can." The doctors were trustworthy. He was paying them to be so and to keep their mouths shut.

"How? I mean; how could you even afford it?"

"I am the Second L. I haven't been sitting on my ass you know."

Light squeaked when Mello suddenly groped him again. "Speaking of your ass how about we put it to good use. How about I get to do whatever I want to you when I fuck you?"

"...Alright… as long as it doesn't cause lasting damage," Light stipulated.

He instantly regretted that as Mello flashed a pervy smile.

_Interesting. Clearly Kira is really, really desperate._

In seemingly one violent motion Mello had grabbed Light by the hair and pushed him onto his back.

"Alright Kira, one more thing and you've got yourself a deal. This Kira business. I want in, and I want a cut."

"This isn't the mafia! ...And I'm not Kira!" Light growled out, clearly uncomfortable with Mello's pushy attitude but he didn't protest when Mello reached up under his bathrobe to play with him again. Making the plan go forward was more important than comfort... or personal dignity.

That is until, without preamble, Mello pushed three fingers inside Light's already stretched hole.

"H-hey! Cut it out!"He was still very sore from earlier.

"Nuh uh. _This_ is mine to do with as I wish. It's still plenty wet in there. Your boy pussy wants me to fuck it raw."

" _No._ I told you..." He had to get Mello's cooperation before the Taskforce got here!

"Relax," Mello said in a soothing voice. "There's always later."

That was a relief but still Light felt mounting concern about just what he had gotten himself into. He struggled to stay focused as Mello lazily teased him with his fingers. Light flushed and looked away. Mello grabbed his chin with his other hand, forcing him to look at him.

"Surely you get donations from your followers," Mello hissed.

" _Ngh!_ Kira isn't like that!"

"Really?" _Ah, now we're getting somewhere._ Now here's an interrogation technique he hadn't considered before...

Light ground his teeth and elaborated in an embarrassingly cracking voice "As a detective I think it's obvious. Kira wishes to rule the world..."

"When's the last time you've been outside? Kira does rule the world. He's worshipped like a fucking God!"

Mello caught the smug smile in response to the "praise" before it was masked. Mello grinned he liked how _natural_ he had Kira looking at the moment. _A fucking God... that's **my** fucking bitch!_ Light moaned as Mello teased that bundle of nerves. _Alright back to plan A—mooch off this loser..._

"So, you were saying, Kira?"

"I'm not... the—the point is... well, think about it! Hypothetically if I was Kira... Which I'm not." Light began haltingly as Mello moved his fingers inside him.

Mello could barely contain his mirth as the other squirmed (figuratively and literally). It was textbook—sociopaths tend to not admit guilt even when it was obvious—but really, what next 'Er… you see, I have this friend… he killed a bunch of people. What should I do?'

_"Riiight."_

"I wouldn't be doing it for me; I would be doing it for the good of mankind! An _OH GOD!_ Altruistic mission." Light panted.

Mello's mouth went dry as the older man writhed beneath him at his teasing.

_Kira, Kira's power, Kira's dominion, Light Yagami. It's all mine. All within my..._

"Tell me more," Mello growled.

"More...?" Light groaned.

"Yes _more._ "

Light somehow still managed to sound somewhat regal and controlled as Mello continued finger-fucking him.

"The role of Kira... _hah!_ is that of a God shepherding his people against the forces of evil. Those that so abuse their power... _Don't stop!..._ to oppress the weak—those are the people that harm this world! That is Kira's mentality."

_He's fucking nuts! He believes his own hype! Controlling him is going to be much easier than I thought..._

If he could just stay on Light's good side (and from the look of things he could push pretty hard without repercussions) he could manipulate and control him as much as he liked.

"What about Demegawa...?"

Light made a face. "Can we not talk about that fat bastard while you're—?"

"No. We talk about it now, bitch!"

"You did not just...!"

" _Shut up!_ You like that, don't you!" Mello leered as he continued teasing him right there.

"Ngh! Yes!" Light groaned as his body arched up into Mello's touch as he teased along that sweet spot.

"Answer me!" Mello insisted.

"A douche... like that... No doubt that Kira will get around to killing him eventually." Anything else Light might have said was cut off by a needy, keening sound that escaped from deep in Light's throat. It was a sound that went right to Mello's cock. Alas he still hadn't recovered from earlier. But Light was becoming half-hard from what Mello was doing.

"I bet I could make you cum with my dick alone. Hell, I bet I could make you cum if I just kept doing this."

"Yes! ... _No! The Taskforce!_ "

"Hmmm... I suppose your right."

Mello abruptly stopped, leaving Light flushed, panting and whimpering on the floor.

Mello's eyes softened some. _Light... He's so adorable like this._

Light gave him another little needy moan when Mello kissed his half-hard cock.

"You're fun," Mello giggled. "Alright Kira, I'll play along for now provided you deliver what you promise. And I want in on the action."

Light hastily closed his bathrobe. "..Alright."

_He's willing to agree to all this… Whatever it is, this is just too good of an opportunity to pass up..._

Mello had already decided, to control Kira, to have it all, this ultimate position, he'd do it—even if it meant selling his soul or murdering orphans or going a week without chocolate (okay, maybe not that last one). Mello got up so he could resume slouching in his chair at the kitchen table. With no chocolate bars to munch on at the moment he settled for a, now cold, chocolate pancake.

"So what is this favor?" Mello prompted.

Light weakly picked himself up off the floor.

"My girlfriend died..." Mello opened his mouth to speak but Light cut him off. "Before you start it wasn't me..."

"You don't sound too broken up about it..."Mello teased. Of course he had already figured out where Light's preferences lay...

"Of course not. I _hated_ her! _She's_ the reason L's dead!"

 _"What?"_ Of all the reasons he might hate his girlfriend... Mello got in his face again. "But isn't that what you _wanted,_ Kira?"

"You know _nothing!_ I _loved_ that man!" The declaration was anguished and sounded so very real. It gave Mello pause. But then again, this was Kira. A monster like that—how could you really tell? "I would have killed her myself if I could have!"

_I was right. She must have had some sort of power over him..._

Light turned away but not before Mello saw... he gaped. Was Kira _crying?_ Was that for real? Mello must have been seeing things... or else Light was just an amazing actor...

"And the investigation team would have found that suspicious, am I right?" Mello deduced as he followed Light out of the kitchen. He didn't really trust Light to be out of his sight. "They're going to be suspicious that she isn't here."

"She _will_ be here," Light insisted his voice still quivering a bit.

"But you just said..." Mello began, confusedly.

Light turned to him, all business now and without a trace of the previous angst. Maybe it was just an act. Or perhaps Mello should add "Bipolar" to the long list of Kira's psychological problems.

"I'll be blunt. You look like her." Light retrieved an item from the closet and presented it to Mello. "I need you to wear this." Light looked entreatingly at Mello as he held up the lacy black dress.


	6. Dance Marionette

Mello gaped at that black lacy Lolita abomination, that hookerware, that left nothing to the imagination-his jaw must have been catching flies for a full minute. The silence that fell over the room was deafening—it was the lull before the storm.

" _FUCK NO!_ " The blonde screeched.

Mello recoiled when Light sent him a glare that could have melted titanium. Mello realized, enviously, that Light didn't have to shove or shout or say a word in order to be _absolutely terrifying_ even to someone like him—most people found him to be very intimidating but now Light, the same Light that had let Mello toy with him; that had been moaning and crying minutes before (that was the key words here—he _let him "If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead"_ ) had Mello frozen in fear. It was then that Mello began to grasp the meaning of true power. Light could just flash a molten glare of those red-gold eyes and expect that His will be done and woe be to anyone that went against his plans.

Mello slouched rebelliously against the doorframe, his arms folded across his chest and managed to hold Kira's stare for a good minute before succumbing to the urge to fidget awkwardly and glance away.

"Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm not."

Mello got in his face to shout _"I'm not wearing a fucking dress!"_

Light remained impassive in the face of Mello's theatrics. "Is that your final answer? You'd throw away everything I'm offering you just based on an emotional response? What a shame… I guess Near was right about you…" Mello tensed and then glared at the brunette hatefully. Light casually checked his watch. "The taskforce will be arriving in any minute. If you're going to make a decision..."

 _Manipulative asshole!_ Mello gritted his teeth. But then that was hardly new information. He might as well have deduced that the sky was blue.

Though Mello hated to admit it Light was right. He was letting his emotions get the better of him again. And didn't he decide he'd do anything to have this, _the ultimate position?_ He had already decided he'd do it even if it meant murdering someone! Did he really want to reneg on this admittedly generous deal over… a dress? Really? That was all it took to get into Kira's good graces?

 _No way! I want this! I'm doing it!_

Mello turned his angry glare at the stupid dress. (Maybe if he stared at it angrily enough it would erupt in flames.)

It was just a piece of clothing! He shouldn't be… he WASN'T _afraid_ of it! He was Mello, M, L's _True_ Successor! A totally macho guy! (What happened with Matt _DID NOT COUNT!_ ) At fifteen he took over the meanest gangsters around (again, how he got into the mafia _DID NOT COUNT!_ ) He proved himself! He brought in the head of a rival mob boss that even Kira couldn't touch! And now he had Kira at his mercy! He was not afraid of a little dress! He was secure enough to know that he was the one who wore the metaphorical pants around here…

Light sighed again. "Perhaps I was wrong in choosing you for this. No doubt you lack the subtlety to pull this off. Fooling the top cops everyday takes skill, you know."

_Oh, it's on now!_

Mello huffed as he strode over determinedly and aggressively; snatching the lacy abomination from Light's hands.

"Well Kira," Mello snarled, "to make this up to me. You are in for a very, _very_ sore ass."

Light smirked as the blonde stormed off, slamming the bedroom door in his wake. "It's a deal."

***

 

"Now, you're a bit taller than she was but then she often wore high heels or platform boots, and also, since you're going to be playing her, she would often sit around or lie around so the height difference shouldn't be too obvious…"

"This will never work!" Mello cursed again as he again struggled into Misa's red and white candy-striped stockings. After he managed to get them on the first time Light had oh-so-helpfully pointed out that he really did need to shave his legs and now Mello had to rush to get the damned dress on—they were really pressed for time!

"You need to pitch your voice higher," Light instructed.

"You know—it might be better if I don't speak at all." Yes, he was a thin blonde that dressed in leather but his voice would be a dead giveaway! Light had some of Misa's commercials playing in the background but Mello still didn't see how he expected him to master his imitation _in minutes!_

"That would be too out of character for her. You don't want to act too docile or too nice. Misa was screechy and annoying. She was hyper, energetic, overly-cheerful, and a total nympo always suggesting that I drop whatever I was doing and have sex with her…"

Mello looked at Light askance. "Are you sure you didn't kill her?"

The mass murderer gave another long-suffering sigh. "No. I hated her but she was useful."

Mello stared at the accursed corset again. "This is NOT gonna work! They'll see that I'm not her! They'll see that I'm a guy!"

"It will work, I promise. You really do look a lot like her." When Mello shot him a murderous glare Light quickly amended "I mean that in the best way possible. You are very beautiful."Mello gasped, caught off guard by the sudden sensation of Light's long fingers trailing along his cheek. "You have the same bone structure—large eyes, high cheek bones. After your surgery I think we can get by with just a little makeup but until then you can manage with this." Light said as he handed him a black veil. "If anyone asks why you're wearing the veil today Misa can cry in mourning over the loss of J-rock signer Kuro Komori. Misa was a big fan of his work. He died yesterday of a sudden heart attack. Rumors are already circulating that either it was drugs or Kira." Light gave a mirthless smile. "It was probably drugs."

Mello shuddered. It was beginning to sink in that now that he was working for Kira he was an accessory to his crimes… _No, I'm NOT working for Kira! I'm just using Kira as a shield, that's all! A shield that's too deluded to realize he's being used as a shield is still a shield—and a very effective one at that._

"But surely they'll notice if I'm wearing a veil every day!"

Light rolled his eyes. "You won't be, we're going to get you your surgery really soon but in any case, do you really think any of them will be looking at your face?"

"Uh yes. That's another thing. It's not like I have the chest…"

"Hold that thought," Light said as he rummaged out a box from his closet. Mello arched an eyebrow; inside the box were some very realistic fake boobs.

Mello began to speak but Light cut him off. "Don't ask." He grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Alright, see now? Now I'm curious…"

"Misa had her friends over for a costume party not long ago and… well… really. _Don't ask._ "

"They're very realistic," Mello commented as they squished in his grip. "They _feel_ real… They aren't real, are they?" Mello innocently asked the serial killer.

Light gave Mello an indignant look that read something along the lines of _'What kind of sick bastard do you think I am?'_ as he replied "Of course not, one of the premier special effects guys left them behind."

"Special effects guys?"

"Misa's friends from work—she had them all come over for a costume party and…" Light sighed again. "So imagine a production crew-big, ugly, hairy-looking guys—all rolls of fat, covered in acne scars, balding—and all these unattractive guys, they get the bright idea to dress up as the cast of _Sailor Moon_ for Misa's costume party—and then they all start undressing to show us _just how realistic_ their costumes are…"

"Okay, you're right. That's too much information."

"Told you so..." Light shuddered. "And to think I had almost succeeded in erasing that image from my brain."

Mello felt a stab of sympathy for poor Kira—if this was the sort of thing he had to live with for five years it almost made up for the fact that he was the crazy mass murderer who killed his mentor—though it didn't make up for the fact that Light was now dressing him in those fake boobies. It was seamless how they seemed to merge into his skin. You'd have to look very closely to see that they were fake (and if they were that close that means they had already lost.) Mello nervously glanced at the mirror and then immediately regretted it.

"I look like a _girl!_ " Mello wailed in indignation.

"Well yes, that's the idea."

Mello was unaware that he had begun to hyperventilate. His insecurity level was such that he was overtaken by the irrational impulse to pull down the lacy undergarments just to reassure himself that his dick was still there.

Light stopped him, grabbing his wrist. "We don't have time for this foolishness!"

Mello glared at him venomously but it did nothing to stem his rising panic.

Light released Mello's hand and gave one of his fake boobs a squeeze.

"You don't feel that, do you? So you see it's not real."

"I know that!" Mello snapped.

"Good."

Mello gasped as Light kissed at his neck looking very much like an attentive boyfriend giving his girl attention.

 _His girl. I'm his girl. I have to play his girlfriend._ The ramifications seemed to be just settling in.

Light seemed to sense his concerns as Mello shivered in his arms.

"I typically didn't touch Misa. Any drastic changes in our behavior would be suspicious. However for this to work without arousing suspicion you need to act the part of Misa. At least while we're being watched which will be, admittedly, most of the time."

"Yeah… of course they aren't real!" Mello exclaimed, more to himself than to Light as he tentatively squeezed at his fake breasts himself and was reassured by the fact that there was no sensation. Meanwhile the image in the mirror looked like a girl feeling herself up. The "girl" in the mirror blushed. No doubt it would have been an evocative image if either of them was straight. "And… and now that I notice it, they have a distinctively plastic smell… but that could be a problem..."

"You're right. Good thinking, Mello. Misa always wore heavy perfume." Light retrieved the perfume from Misa's dresser. "This should be sufficient to cover up the smell."

Mello took a whiff of the very girly scent of flowers and fruit and glowered at Light.

"You owe me for this, big time."

"I know."

Mello gave the perfume bottle a spurt and that girly scent fell over him in a pale mist over his neck and chest. He already felt his skin being defiled forever with that scent. Mello seriously considered washing it off with acid when this was all over. Mello yelped in surprised when Light bent forward, burrowing his face in his fake breasts.

"The _hell!_ "

Light sniffed.

"I'm afraid that's not enough. I still smell the plastic."

"Fucking pervert!" Mello snarled but sprayed more of that putrid perfume, that Elixir of Evil onto his person.

Light sniffed again. "Nope sorry, still not enough."

Mello growled in frustration but he knew that he couldn't allow for any flaw in his disguise. In exasperation Mello dumped the whole bottle over his head. Light finally gave him the thumbs up.

Mello grunted as he grudgingly let Light lace up the lacy black corset dress after trying, and failing to do it himself. He shivered despite himself as Light's fingers brushed against his back as he fumbled with the leather strings. Mello stared at the stranger in the mirror. He was actually wearing more layers of clothes than he usually did but he still felt naked under Light's stare. The plunging neckline of the dress put his perky "new breasts" on display. The lacey skirt just barely covered his crotch, and the knee-high boots and stockings drawing attention to his skinny thighs. He looked sexy, he felt sexy, it was all this damn lace brushing in intimate places—and the fact that Light was pressing up against him, breathing down his neck… As Mello's thoughts idly wandered he found himself wondering how Light would compare to Matt as a dom… and he promptly crushed those thoughts to dust.

_This damn dress has to die!_

"You're perfect." Light assured him as he gave him a peck on the cheek.

Mello remained stock still as Light ran a brush through his long blonde hair, pinning it back into a pair of girlish pigtails with a pair of black barettes with white plastic skulls on them. Mello eyed the offending hairpieces.

"It's kind of obvious, isn't it?"

Light shrugged. "This is her style."

As a finishing touch Light put Mello's leather jacket on over the lacy, racy abomination. Mello immediately felt better about this whole deal. At least he was afforded some protection against prying eyes. Mello surprised Light by affectionately leaning back into his chest.

"So uh… any additional tips for um, playing this… part?" Of course Mello had a general idea, having done some observation of the Second Kira suspect but he wasn't sure he wanted Light to know what he knew.

Light thought for a moment before giving Mello the cliff notes on Misa, going as detailed as possible...

"…She liked sweets but was worried about her weight. She's a model you know, and as a celebrity she had her persona to maintain. She always played cheerful and bubbly but she was, well, out of her freakin' mind."

Mello stifled a giggle. He found that descriptor to be _ironic_ given the source. It became harder not to laugh as Light kept going.

"She was delusional! I could even tell her how much I despised her but she'd pretend not to hear. She had _very_ selective hearing and she thought that the world revolved around her. I swear she must have imagined herself to be the heroine of some stupid bodice-ripper romance novel! She was selfish. She didn't care a thing about justice! Only her own happiness! Misa-Misa always got what she wanted and never took no for an answer." Light sighed again. "I guess I can kind of see where she was coming from. Her parents were killed in a robbery right in front of her—I guess that sort of messed her up for life." Mello scowled at Light's lack of empathy and had to restrain himself from decking him one. He wasn't about to give Kira any clues to his past or let on that the same thing had happened to him (though it wasn't exactly in a robbery—Mafioso like his parents tend to have enemies.)

"But that doesn't change the fact that she acted like I was her fucking property and she would kill anyone else if they got too close to me. She was totally obsessed! But… but because of that… She really would do anything for me… and that was very useful. However she was quite obnoxious about it! She'd cling to me and feel me up at every opportunity—even in public!"

Mello's face broke into a shit-eating grin. "I think I see what I have to do now…" He had just been given a license to annoy and feel up Light in public.

Light scowled. "Don't overdo it."

Mello looked at him innocently "Oh come on, you want it to look genuine, right?"

"Yes… however, she also was more restrained about her pushy behavior when we were being watched. So again, don't overdo it."

"But _Light-kun~!_ " Mello whined in his best Misa imitation.

Light visibly shuddered. "Don't worry; you've got the voice down pat."

Just then Light's cellphone rang indicating that Aizawa and Mogi were outside, ready to work.

"..And not a moment too soon—it's show time." Light noticed that Mello looked nervous. "Relax, you'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say! It's not your ass on the line if I get caught!"

"Yes, it is. We're in this together, _Misa darling._ " Light said as he went to open the door.

The former mobster made sure his veil was in place and then bolted for the couch, as they had discussed he might do. He pretended to relax there, lying on his belly and idly kicking his legs up in the air like he had seen Misa do during his surveillance, Mello idly turned a page of Misa's fashion magazine as the cops came in the door.


	7. Lovebirds

"There's something different about you today."

Mello froze in his casual leg kicks as he lounged on the couch as he had seen Misa do—like he was just part of the furniture. He casually turned to see which cop had spoken. It was Touta Matsuda, or “Matsu” as Mello had learned Misa called him or “the idiot” as Mello had learned Light called him. (Mello had to concur when he remembered that this was the man that had claimed to be the fake L when Mello still held the Death Note.) 

_How?!_

How had this so-called-idiot seen through his act? Mello was sure his impersonation of Misa was _flawless!_ A bead of sweat rolled down Mello’s cheek beneath the lacy gothic veil. Idiot or not, Mello remembered from the raid that this Matsu was _one hell of a shot._

"Did you get a new haircut?" The cop asked as he approached "L's" workstation./

Mello let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he realized the cop was addressing Light, not him. Yet Mello still felt the eyes on him… had any of the others guessed…? 

No, Mello realized, they hadn’t seen through his disguise, but the truth was no less disturbing. The blonde felt his face heating up; he gritted his teeth to avoid blowing his cover with an enraged outburst when he realized the reason for their staring—his lacy miniskirt had hiked up so now all of Japan's top cops were staring at his ass. As subtly as he could, Mello readjusted his miniskirt. 

Fortunately for him it seemed Matsuda’s observation had drawn the investigators attention to Light and Mello imagined Light could handle himself considering this was the same investigative team he had somehow managed to dupe for six years.

Matsuda was looking at Light with some concern and Light worried that his makeup had smeared. It had been necessary to cover up the blossoming bruises left over from his fight with Mello, and _that_ of course would lead to awkward questions. 

Meanwhile, Matsuda continued to stare. Light looked exhausted but that was nothing new—he worked tirelessly on the Kira case. Matsuda was beginning to suspect that deep circles under the eyes were just a badge of honor that came along with the title of L. Matsuda did not envy him that. Not that Light seemed to mind. The poor kid was a hopeless workaholic—come to think of it he got more breaks when L was keeping him as a prisoner!

That's when Matsuda realized what it was. He hadn’t seen Light looking so relaxed and content since… well ever. It was like somehow all the tension had melted away. He could have sworn that he was looking five years younger. There was even a hint of a smile…

"Do I have something on my face, Matsuda?" Light demanded. 

"Yeah. It's just… you’re smiling. I haven't seen you smile since the chief…" 

The ghost of a smile vanished from Light's face and the others winced. 

"Leave him alone!" "Matsuda you—"

"I'm such an idiot!" Matsuda grumbled miserably.

"No, Matsuda… it's okay." Light insisted. 

Mello determined that his initial assessment was correct—Light had them all eating out of his hand. The curly-haired man, Aizawa, showed an almost fatherly concern towards Light, praising how quickly he got the new system up and running. And the way Matsuda kept looking at Light… Mello was beginning to wonder if he had competition… Mello didn't like competition and when Light smiled pleasantly at the other man, just to show that there was no hard feelings about his latest screw up, Mello could feel his blood boiling. 

_No way, not with that idiot!_

"I'm okay, really," Light insisted. 

"Listen, if you need a hand with anything…" 

"Thanks, Aizawa. I'm… managing. When things get tough I just think of my father…" Aizawa nodded in understanding as Light cracked a weak smile "I don't think he'd want me slacking off on his account." 

_You are **such** a bastard!_ Mello glared at Light from beneath the veil. While the mafia prince had never been on the best terms with his own father while he was still alive, Mello liked to think he at least had enough respect not to use his death like that. 

Just then Mogi came in dragging in some new equipment and Light got up to help him. 

"Hey Light, buddy, are you sure you're okay?" 

"I'm fine, Matsuda."

"It's just… you're limping."

Light froze and a couple of awkward seconds ticked by as again all eyes were on him. 

"Oh that," the man Mello knew to be Kira rubbed the back of his head, much as the Matsuda idiot had done not too long ago. Mello recognized the tactic for what it was—subtly copying the mannerisms of the people you wished to con was an effective and time-honored trick used to put the mark at ease. Either that or he really was embarrassed about the source of his limping. Now that Mello thought about it; that was just as likely. Light finished up his Matsuda-impression and explained sheepishly "I kinda… tripped and sprained my ankle." 

It was perfect, with just the right inflections—they all bought it. Very impressive.

Now if he had Light instead of Jack on the Vegas job then maybe fewer people would have died (but then again this was Kira he was talking about.) Light was such an excellent manipulator that Mello was left wondering if he was even conscious that he was doing it… But then if he was just a pathological liar it was nothing short of a miracle that Light hadn't been caught already... 

"Misa-Misa told Light to be more careful!" Mello piped up from the couch. 

_Bastard!_ Light could just hear the smug smirk in his voice. Of course they both knew the real reason for Light's "limping." 

"Oh, hi Misa!" Matsuda smiled in a greeting that was seemingly addressed at "Misa's" ample bosom. 

"Heya Matsu!" "Misa" said in her typical squeaky, cutesy, bubbly voice. It was taking all of Mello’s skill to stay in character. This Matsuda guy was _really_ beginning to piss him off—in fact Mello wasn’t sure what pissed him off more—Matsuda’s ogling at Light or his ogling at _him._ Seriously, was he like, an equal opportunity molester or something? 

Mello decided to take proactive steps to make sure this Matsuda guy knew not to fuck with him or what was his by staking his claim. 

"H-hey!" Light was obviously startled when Mello was suddenly sitting in his lap, throwing his arms around his neck, snuggling into his chest. Though this wasn't unusual behavior for Misa, in fact it was perfectly in-character, and if the blushing, nose bleeding, and looks of envy that were being shot in their direction were any indication it looked like they were in the clear—the rest of the taskforce was obviously _effected_ by Mello's performance, so either they completely bought the blonde's act or they had all turned gay overnight. 

Meanwhile Matsuda noticed that Light wasn’t pushing Misa away immediately as per usual and the ditzy detective had a sudden epiphany regarding the source of the younger man’s good mood. 

Matsuda was going to congratulate them when his eyes finally moved up from the blonde's boob level to notice that he couldn't see Misa's face. 

"Er… what's with the veil?" Matsuda asked, drawing the attention of the others.

On that cue "Misa" wailed dramatically " _Oh, my darling Kuro-kun!_ " while "sobbing" into Light's chest and Light was left to awkwardly explain to the taskforce members their agreed upon lie. The taskforce readily accepted it. Here Mello feared he had overdone it but apparently this sort of hysterical behavior wasn’t at all out of the ordinary for Misa either. 

Mello found this all to be incredibly sexist and this was coming from a former mafia pimp. 

"Soooo Light—did you and Misa finally…" Matsuda began to ask when he was interrupted by another hiss of " _Idiot,_ " this time given to him by Ide, but Matsuda took Light's blushing as an affirmative. The rookie continued to stare at them, and began grinning from ear to ear. 

The way Matsuda was staring at them was really beginning to freak Mello out. Did the sicko want to watch them or something?

" _Pervert!_ " Mello hissed in a raw outburst that was fortunately completely in character, as he tightened his grip on Light. 

"Aw, young love!" crooned Matsuda. 

"Misa… darling," Light began hesitantly. "Perhaps it would be better if you waited in our room."

" _Ohhhh! But why?!_ " Mello whined. 

“Your presence is distracting to any male with a pulse.” Light hissed conspiratorially.

Mello blushed furiously beneath the veil as he felt the stares of the other men—it wasn’t just Matsuda. 

A bead of sweat roll down his brow as he felt the gaze of that bear of a man, Mogi ( _no way in hell, not in this or any lifetime. He's waaaaay too big! And ugly. Almost like a Japanese Rod Ross…_ Once was enough to know Mello did not want, thank you very much) and also the rather intense vibes he was getting off of Afrocop, er, Aizawa, the musician formerly known as Afrocop—that dude that Mello had been observing (along with the rest of the taskforce) who seemed to think he was unrecognizable without the 'fro. 

_Seriously, what the Hell?! He's married isn't he? That's just… immoral!_ cringed the mobster's inner Catholic school boy. 

Just then a loud, irritated chittering came from the other room and Light sweat-dropped. He had planned for many contingencies. This wasn’t one of them. In fact, this matter had completely slipped his mind. 

"Misa, sweetie. Did you remember to feed your birds this morning?"

_Wait, Misa has **birds?**_

Mello was likewise thrown by this turn of events. 

_Shit. Oh shit! What would Misa do?_

Mello gave Light the _Sailor Moon_ salute and declared in his best falsetto tone "Misa-Misa will do that right now!" 

Light had just resumed typing on something that looked like work when everyone heard the long drawn out " _Shh-iiit!!!_ " that could be heard from the other room. 

Light was there in a flash. "Misa, what's wrong?"

" _The little cocksucker bit me!_ " Mello hissed in pain as the bird fluttered chaotically about the room, shedding its feathers everywhere. 

"Now Misa, that's not very ladylike"” Light hissed back frantically. 

_Crap! Light's right. Misa didn't typically use that kind of language!_

" _Owie! But Liiiiiiiiight! It really hurts!_ " Mello whined for their audience, the curious onlookers that were the Kira taskforce. 

"It's alright, Misa just had a little accident. I've got this," Light insisted as he shooed out the taskforce, ushering them back into the work room. "Go on, Kira's not going to catch himself, you know."

Mello somehow managed to cover his snort of amusement with a cough and then decided to help Light along in getting rid of the taskforce when he suddenly began weeping and wailing hysterically into her lover’s strong chest, embarrassing the hell out of both himself and Light. The end result worked, however—the taskforce couldn’t wait to leave the room. 

"So… you have parrots" Mello began conversationally in a low tone when the others were safely out of earshot. 

"Technically, they're Misa's, _yours_ , and they're lovebirds…" As they whispered to each other Mello would occasionally interject with a sobbing wail as Light made faux soothing noises. 

"Lovebirds are a species of parrot—"

"Misa wanted them." Light offered as the entire explanation for why he kept the annoying creatures. 

"Can't parrots, you know… talk?" Mello was now imagining a nightmare scenario that could be a bit of a crimp in their plans for world domination: _"AWK! JUSTICE! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! KILL KILL KILL! Squawk! GOD OF THE NEW WORLD! Awk!"_

Light sighed again. "Misa _really_ wanted them. And don't worry, they don't talk. They have to be taught at a young age—Misa's birds just make irritating noises…" Light began when Mello locked eyes with him. They both swallowed hard in unison as they both came to the same conclusion. 

_But then again if **Misa** taught them how could you tell the difference?_

"Are you sure they—" 

"Yes," Light insisted stubbornly, choosing to deal with the potentially life-threatening situation… by ignoring it. "Since they're your birds you should know the female, the one that bit you, is Lemon and the male is Jelly." 

Mello snorted. "Lemon Jelly? Wait, was that another favorite food of hers or something?" 

"No. Actually she named them after some other pets she once had that… died... Remon to Jerii… or Rem and Gelus if you prefer."

Mello watched enviously how the lovebird easily hopped onto Light's finger with no fuss. Light gently stroked the bird’s orange and green feathers before putting the bird away in it's cage. 

"How?" 

"Kindness fosters obedience." Light insisted while the other bird crapped on the sofa and tried to tunnel it's way under the pillows before Light caught it and stuffed it back in the cage. 

" _It bit me!_ " Mello quietly raged as he turned his hardened glare upon the offending bird, his eyes becoming a cerulean fire as he wished to turn Pretty Polly over there into a Chicken Mcnugget. 

"Yeah, well you need to be gentle with them or they bite." 

" _Now you tell me!_ " the blonde hissed accusingly. 

"Really, it’s kind of common sense when dealing with animals. Have you never kept a pet before?"

"…I kept a pet scorpion once," Mello related. 

Light arched a fine eyebrow. "Really? However did you survive?" 

"Hey, Cocoa was a nice scorpion!"

Light simply leveled a glare. 

"I didn't have him that long," Mello admitted. 

Light rubbed his forehead against the incoming headache but just as he slipped his palm away from his face he was tempted to slap it to his forehead again when he saw how Mello was about to stick his still-bleeding finger in his mouth. 

Light grabbed his wrist as he barked out "Geez, don't suck on it! Do you want to get an infection and die?" He sighed again in exasperation. After having met two former alumni of Wammy's House he could conclude that common sense wasn't mandatory for enrollment but an oral fixation was. 

Amusingly Mello looked startled by Light's outburst, his lipstick colored lips drawn into a pert (very Misa-like) "o" as Light dragged him rather forcefully into the bathroom, making him sit on the toilet seat cover while he began to rummage around in the medicine cabinet. 

"Light, _darling_ , I am perfectly capable of getting my own band-aid" Mello said in a very Misa-like chirp, his eyes sparkling in amusement as Light fussed over him, gently holding his wrist while he applied the disinfectant with a comically intense look on his face. Mello felt an odd thrill, despite himself, as the killer gently bandaged his hand.  
"There, I think you'll be alright," Light said as he finished applying the bandage and locked eyes with Mello. "Just… be more careful, alright?" 

Just then there was a timid knock on the bathroom door. Light and Mello glanced up to see Mogi standing there, looking a bit sheepish. The big man had concluded from the looks Light and the blonde kept sending each other that he must have interrupted a "moment" between the young couple but Misa seemed to be alright now and it was as Light, himself, said—the Chief wouldn't want them slacking off. Kira wouldn't catch himself. Mogi awkwardly cleared his throat as he related the reason why he had intruded on Light and Misa's rare and special moment (honestly one of the only such moments he had been privy to). "Matsuda said the American President was going to make some big announcement. It's going to start in a minute. It might be important to the Kira case."


	8. My Pain, Your Thrill

Mello began to sweat a little bit as he was once again surrounded by cops as the taskforce crowded around the TV—even when Mello clung to Light like he'd seen Misa do in the security footage in an attempt to make the others give them some space one of them was still a bit too close for comfort. Mello could feel the hot breath of one of the officers on the back of his neck. 

_Horny, perverted bastards._

Mello risked a covert glance so he might deduce the identity of Misa’s underwear thief. He was a plain-looking Japanese man with a shifty gaze, an almost Wammy’s level of insomnia derived dark puffiness under the eyes, and no other distinguishing features other than that he was wearing an absolutely atrocious phlegm-colored dress shirt. It was almost as atrocious as the musician-formerly-known-as-Afrocop's "lightish red" shirt. Beneath the veil Mello rolled his eyes. It was pinker than Matt's… er, _the bastard-who-shall-not-be-named's,_ handheld. Mello learned from the man’s bickering with Matsuda that his latest stalker's name was Ide and his only claim to fame was that he seemed to be quite a suspicious fellow and he loathed L—both the old one and the "new" one. He had also noticed that Aizawa's right arm was supported by a sling and Ide’s face was bandaged. He'd later gathered from their conversation that they had been injured in the raid against his hideout. 

_Ha. Serves them right!_ Mello thought bitterly as Ide stood uncomfortably close to him, his breath reeking of cigarettes, and the blonde felt a pang in his chest.  
He hoped he’d made him see. He hoped he had his goggles in a twist with worry right now! He hoped he was out looking for him like a lost puppy. He hoped that he was _suffering!_ He would beg Mello to take him back… and Mello would laugh in his face. Too bad. They were over! He had been _replaced!_

He had practically everything he could ever want and Light was better in bed too! 

_Suck on that, Matt! I'm not even thinking of you now!_

“Quiet everyone, the president’s going to make his announcement.” Light hushed the whispered conversations of the taskforce while Matsuda demonstrated his amazing prowess of wielding the remote by cranking the volume. (Well, Light reasoned he had to be good at _something._ )

And Mello watched it all. 

_"…With the death of the mafia on our shores the United States will no longer oppose Kira,"_ the lameass American president said in his heavy Texas accent. _"We will no longer stand in his way..."_

Mello watched as the taskforce gasped in disbelief as the president of the United States surrendered to Kira—and Light proceeded to give the performance of a lifetime. 

_"THOSE COWARDS!"_ Light roared and bashed his fists on his desk; the angle concealing his victory smirk from the assembled officers. Beneath the veil Mello rolled his eyes—Light _really_ needed to be more careful. It was very obvious to Mello that Light was absolutely ecstatic at the news. Mello began to wonder if perhaps at this point it was only the Taskforce’s respect for Chief Yagami that was protecting Light from suspicion. 

"...If Kira is caught that makes him evil. If he wins and rules the world then he is justice..." 

_How blatantly obvious can you get?_ Unnoticed by the taskforce "Misa" took to lounging on the couch and at Light's bullshit shook "her" head disparagingly. _It's as I thought. He really believes what he's saying._

"He's still smiling..." came the audible whisper from the assembled officers and Mello resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall. 

_You know it's bad when even an idiot like Matsuda begins to catch on. Stupid genius! He thinks he's invincible just because he's won a few battles. It looks like it's up to me to show him he's not or this is gonna be the shortest partnership in the history of backstabbing..._

Light apparently heard Matsuda's "whispering" as well and turned, still smiling, to address Matsuda's remark and the latent, unintended accusation it held. 

"Oh, I don't know, Matsuda. I just have a good feeling about today. It feels like the end is in sight. Kira can't hide from us! I _just know_ that in the end true justice will prevail no matter what!"

Mello blinked in awe and confusion as the looks of suspicion faded from the faces of the taskforce members after Light fed them just a few choice lines of bullshit. _How the hell do you do that? Are you like a wizard or something?_

"You're right! With both you and Near on the case we're sure to catch Kira soon!" Matsuda declared, pumping the air in enthusiasm like a total dork. 

"I wouldn't count on Near," Ide muttered darkly. 

Aizawa nodded grimly. The taskforce were all in agreement that the L-copycat was a shady, untrustworthy character. After all, he consorted with known criminals like Mello and he didn't show a shred of decency, constantly hounding them for the last week ever since the Chief's death! Aizawa wasn't a genius but he sure as hell knew how interdepartmental politics were played and Near had played them all for fools. When Mello kidnapped Sayu, demanding the notebook "N" had set the taskforce and more specifically their "L" up to take the blame when Mello got his hands on the notebook and though they got it back it was at great cost. At best Near had used the situation and blamed him after the fact and at worst he was working with Mello or knew what was going to happen ahead of time and again used the situation against them, turning them into the scapegoats for that whole debacle. The whole sordid affair still rankled them all...

***

"You know, the way you manipulate them—if they ever found out they’d turn on you," Mello remarked casually after the officers had finally left for the day. 

"If they ever found out they'd turn on me anyway," Light replied, just as casually with an air of absolute _boredom_ , as if this conversation was utterly irrelevant. 

"Don't be so sure. There's a lot of respect there—for your father and even for you. Hell, you could probably get away with _anything_ short of badmouthing Chief Yagami which reminds me… you're an asshole."

"And _you_ have a serious attitude problem. Have you ever considered taking anger management classes?"

"Fuck you," was the automatic reply. 

"Alright... Do I dare ask why you think I'm an asshole?" 

"Are you serious?" Mello asked incredulously, "Where to even start?!" 

"How about we start with what's bothering you?" 

"Your father… was a good man."

"I know. He was my father. And as you might recall _you_ killed him."

"Still... he was a good man. And using his death like that... it's just _not cool._ " 

"And what would you prefer I do, Mihael? Go cry in my room? Go on some clichéd quest for vengeance? Maybe punish you for killing him? It happened. It can’t be undone. And as always all I can do is make the best of a rotten situation. But since we’re on the topic of things that are as you put it, _not cool,_ you really need to learn to respect your betters."

Light's eyes narrowed dangerously as Mello doubled over in laughter. 

"Would you look at that—Kira has a sense of humor! Surely you understand that Respect is earned?! That's true in any organization be it the police or the mafia—you know at least in the mafia it was understood that we respect our elders! And here's you. With this _disrespect_ for your father... You _sicken_ me."

"You always do say the nicest things," Light murmured though the sarcasm was no doubt lost on the bitching blonde. "And you should really learn to take your own advice, _kid,_ " Light smirked victoriously after he successfully derailed the younger man mid-rant and watched in amusement as Mello became angry and defensive and for a moment was reduced to making indignant, incomprehensible sputtering sounds. But alas, the blonde quickly recovered and leveled him an icy glare. 

"You have, what, three years on me? Oh yeah, I guess that makes you a dirty old man, you _pedo._ You may be older but you certainly aren't wiser! You know what I see when I see you speaking to them? I see a _fucking moron_ who is so lost in his own bullshit, with his head stuck so far up his own ass that he doesn’t even see how he’s fucked up!" 

"Keep it classy, _Mihael._ And by all means, keep pushing it..." 

"Oh, don't worry, I will. You know, you have a lot of nerve threatening me in your position," Mello smirked as he jingled the chain that bound the naked man to the headboard of the bed. 

The older boy made an appropriately disgusted face when the blonde spurted chocolate syrup all over him—mostly because it was the reaction he knew Mello wanted to see though it was indeed rather disagreeable to his inner neat freak.

"I never realized you had such weird fantasies," Light idly commented as Mello began licking the chocolate off his skin. "I mean, really, what next? Are you going to make me dress up like Willy Wonka?" 

"...And why would I want to see you dressed?" Mello chuckled, staring lewdly at that perfect body sprawled out before him, before he resumed playing with his "sweet." The killer sucked in a sharp breath as the blonde pressed his warm body against his and began swirling his tongue around his right nipple until it was good and hard. 

"Hmmm... You know what's missing...?" Mello grinned, barely able to contain his sadistic glee as he put his totally spur of the moment, impulsive plan into action. 

"W-what are you doing?" Light asked, alarmed when Mello completely withdrew and left the room, leaving him chained to the bed. 

A drop of nervous sweat trickled down Light's temple as he overheard the sound of clinking dishes in the kitchen. Light sincerely hoped that Mello hadn't forgotten their agreement or the little fact that he would die if he murdered him... 

Mello returned a moment later, some mystery item conspicuously hidden behind his back, before Light could ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing Mello struck in a lightning fast motion. Light thought he was going to have a heart attack from the shock—he let out an embarrassing squeak and jerked sharply against the chains reacting to the sudden flash of cold when Mello suddenly dropped a large scoop of freezer-cold fudge ice cream onto his bare stomach. 

" _Asshole!_ " Light hissed. 

Mello's grin merely widened as he licked at the mess "That's cute," he declared as he dipped a couple of fingers in the chocolate ooze and smeared a couple of stripes on his lover’s cheek like war paint—just for the sheer joy of further pissing him off. "You know you’re cute when you’re angry."

"And you obviously have a death wish," Light remarked as he glared at the blonde as one might regard a particularly fascinating bug. The effect was kind of ruined though when, to Light's further embarrassment, he couldn’t stop himself from _giggling_ as Mello lapped up the ice cream; tickling him with his tongue. Or that he was so obviously drawn to the warmth of the other man's body. 

"Ooh, I'm _so scared,_ Kira."

"You should be..." Light muttered through gritted his teeth as his wrists became painfully tangled in the chain when Mello flipped him over so he was lying on his stomach. The neat freak cringed again—that sticky chocolate mess that Mello made still coated his body and now was messing the sheets. Yet despite the rough treatment and Light's disgust at the other's unhygienic ways his body still shivered in anticipation. He positioned himself as the blonde wanted, on his hands and knees with his fine ass up in the air. Mello soon joined him, crawling his way on top and resting his chin against his shoulder.

"You know, you're _such_ a bastard," Mello hissed, blowing against his ear "'If Kira is caught then Kira is evil.' _I_ caught you, you know."

Mello watched in fascination as an oddly simpering expression played across the other's face. 

"Only because I _let_ you... Besides, I thought you _liked_ bad boys."

Light glanced back in confusion over his shoulder as Mello withdrew again and then cried out, more in surprise than pain, when Mello smacked him hard across the ass. 

"You like that, _bitch?!_ " Mello growled out harshly as he gently trailed a hand down Light’s bare back, smearing more chocolate sauce in his wake. Mello thought it was a fine work of art—the marks left with his impromptu finger-painting contrasting nicely with the other man’s skin. The blonde grabbed him by the hair, the chocolate mixing nicely with those caramel locks and shoved his face down into the mattress into the run off pool of chocolate syrup. 

"Lick it up." 

Mello suppressed a groan as Light's tongue flicked out, slowly, tentatively licking at the puddle as he glared at Mello, his eyes defiant, challenging, and oh-so-sexy. Mello pounced again on the other and began lapping and nibbling at his neck, leaving a mark behind that would later become red, raw and obvious. The brunette groaned and instinctively arched his back as Mello drew close against him, the blonde's long fingers continued to trace delicate patterns in chocolate on his skin. Light was thoroughly enjoying the other’s attentions—he didn't know why the hell it did but his body liked it more when it hurt a bit—it just felt more _real_ that way. Light groaned when Mello teased his entrance with a probing finger. 

"You know, I find chocolate to be very versatile," The blonde began conversationally and Light could just hear the smirk in his voice. "Shall we experiment?" 

Light froze in horror when he realized what Mello was suggesting. 

_"Chocolate syrup is not lube!"_ came Light’s panicked cry from where his face was currently pressed into the mattress. _"It doesn't work as lube. It's STICKY! You'd be stupid to even consider it! No wonder you were always number two!"_

A dark look passed across the blonde's face and without further warning he pushed a finger up inside of his captive. A _properly_ lubed up finger. 

"Ha! _Psyche!_ " 

The blonde laughed, Light was obviously still plenty pissed off at him but the brunette was surrendering to his body's impulses. Light pushed back against Mello's long fingers, trying to drive them deeper as they writhed around inside him, stretching him out and opening him up to take Mello’s cock inside him again. "I really had you going there for a minute, didn't I?" 

" _Asshole!_ " Light grumbled but it was lacking in vitriol. Mello delighted in how he could make the other whimper, _wanting,_ when his erection brushed up against his thigh. Mello abruptly withdrew again leaving Light flushed and panting on the bed.

 _"What the fuck do you think you’re doing, you stupid asshole?!"_ Light snapped; nerves frayed as Mello just kept teasing him.

Light grunted as Mello sat on top of his back and shoved a ball-gag in his mouth. The blonde grinned, victoriously. "Now that was very satisfying. You know I've been here a day and I am already sick and tired of hearing your bullshit? You know we’re not ALL enamored by the sound of your voice." 

The older male glared bloody murder up at the smirking blonde from where he was bound in chains to the bed. 

"Now that I have your attention, there are a couple of things I wanted to say. First of all, I'm not stupid. _I caught you._ " Light let out a muffled cry of alarm, futilely grasping at the sheets when Mello suddenly, roughly pulled him backwards by the hips. "Second, and most importantly, you're _mine._ Don't ever forget that!" The blonde snarled as he spread the other man's ass cheeks and shoved in. Light let out a muffled cry and pounded his fist into the mattress as pain shot up his spine. Mello took him roughly again, setting a fast and brutal pace. Light forced himself to relax as the younger man took it out of his ass, his fists clenching into the sheets. 

Mello moaned out loud as he lost himself in that deliciously tight heat. This... this was the best. Like, the best thing ever. Doing Kira was better than chocolate. Such an admission was a very painful thing for the obsessed chocoholic to admit. 

_The only thing that could make this better would be..._

Mello paid no mind to Light's muted cry of pain when he bit into the other’s shoulder which was still covered in chocolate. He didn’t quite draw blood but it was guaranteed to leave another nasty mark behind. A nice little reminder of who wore the figurative pants around here—Mello smirked again as he claimed the other, withdrawing completely before he slammed back in. This time however Light’s toes curled into the mattress and he moaned around the gag. Mello had changed the angle slightly and now he was finally beginning to hit right. 

Mello began to regret using the ball-gag now as his partner’s muffled whines of pleasure excited him further, but he didn't remove it—his pet really needed to learn not to mouth off. 

Mello withdrew completely and then thrust back in again at that same angle; hoping to induce the same reaction. Mello figured he was successful when the other's pleasured cries got louder, despite the gag, and Light began to match his pace, his hips beginning to rise and meet each thrust. Encouraged, Mello began to drive even faster and harder, snarling obscenities at the other man. Mello was thoroughly surprised when Light glanced back at him over his shoulder, his sweaty bangs stained dark with chocolate sauce plastered to his forehead fell back to reveal those beautiful eyes that were silently entreating, _pleading_ —those eyes communicated things that Mello knew that Kira would never say in words. That look spoke of _real_ trust, devotion, _submission_... 

Mello couldn't help it—he came right then and there.


	9. Ms. Communications

It was now officially Dark O’clock in the morning and Light hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before so he was feeling a bit irritable at the moment. It had taken a while to work his way out of all the bindings but he was motivated by necessity—it was important to stick to the plan. The brunette grimaced, the things he did with Mello (or rather he let Mello do to him) had left him feeling sore and sick. 

_Worth it._ No doubt Light would’ve slapped himself if he could see how sappy he looked as he watched the handsome, sleeping blonde. He almost regretted what was going to happen today. Somehow the scar made the blonde look more beautiful, the imperfection drawing attention to how perfect and pristine the unmarked skin was.

“Oh _darling,_ it’s time to get up!” Kira cooed at his sleeping partner. 

Mello snorted, and rolled over but failed to rise on command. Light’s strained smile stretched and contorted into a mad, terrifying grin spreading across Kira’s face—if anyone were to see it, it would be sure to make small children and Matsuda cry.

“Now, Mello.”

The blonde cursed and burrowed deeper into the blankets while idly chewing on his pillow. 

_Perhaps he was having that one dream about eating a giant marshmallow? Heh. Mello and marshmallows… I wonder if he’ll like s’mores—perhaps I’ll make him some—provided he behaves himself today…_ he thought as he went to the kitchen and retrieved a glass of ice water before returning to the bedroom. 

_Well, I did give him fair warning._

Light leaned over the sleeping man, giggling sadistically, as he promptly dumped the cup all over Mello’s head (well one of them, anyway). The blonde gave out a girly shriek worthy of Light’s late fiancé and leapt out of bed, fists swinging. The older man easily side-stepped the punch seeing as Mello was still so very sluggish from sleep.

“Time to get up, sweetheart or you’ll be late for your appointment,” Light admonished in an even tone as if Mello wasn’t currently trying to murder him. 

“What? Appointment?!” _That’s right—today I’m getting my face fixed._

“Why the fuck didn’t you say so!” the blonde exclaimed as he grabbed a pile of Misa’s clothes; dressing himself in leather pants, leather boots, knee high stockings, a tight, lightish red shirt with fishnet sleeves, and a leather jacket. 

“Aren’t you worried someone might recognize you?” Light asked with some concern while buttoning up his own white dress shirt “I take it that that’s not too different from your usual outfits.” 

“Well you totally dress like a male fashion model from an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue.”

“Why thank you.”

“That wasn’t a compliment!”

“You said I looked like a male model—that suggests that you don’t find me unattractive,” Light countered as he ran a comb through his already perfect hair. Light concealed his surprise when Mello joined him in front of the mirror. Unlike L, Mello was actually acquainted with the concept of a hairbrush. He frowned. “Do you have to go for the whole bob hairstyle every time?”

“And what’s wrong with it?!” Mello snapped.

“Nothing! I was just wondering if you’ve ever considered going for another look? Like maybe if you put up in spikes or something?” 

“If I did that I won’t look like your dead girlfriend anymore and that would be detrimental to the plan.”

Light gave him an appraising look. “Hmm… Maybe if you dyed it black?” 

“The hell is your problem? I didn’t hear you complaining last night!” Mello leered.

“Well, yes. I suppose it was adequate.”

“Adequ—” Mello sputtered in rage.

Light neatly knotted his red silk tie. “Yes, you are precisely the second best fuck I’ve ever had. It was almost as good as L.” 

While Mello was coughing and spluttering Light took this opportunity to initiate the next phase of the Plan. He called up Matsuda and told him “Misa threw up this morning. She insists she’s fine but I’m running her over to the doctor just to be sure. If I don’t make it back in time I left you guys the spare key to our temp HQ in the red hibiscus planter in the lobby.”

“Er… What’s a high biscuit?” Matsuda asked cluelessly but Light had already hung up. 

***

The doctor’s office was in a clinic in the worse part of town. Mello wasn’t worried, he knew these streets like the back of his hand and even though he was wearing Misa’s clothes he suspected he wouldn’t get any more attention than normal (and at least he was wearing pants this time!) and if anyone gave them a hard time over the way he was dressed… well he could kick ass when the situation called for it. Oh, and he had Kira as well but Mello was willing to bet good money that he could kill said hypothetical shithead with his bare hands long before Light finished digging through the hypothetical shithead’s pockets, looking for his I.D. 

Light led him into a run-down looking building, down the decrepit hall and into the waiting room full of crappy magazines. Together they flopped down o the battered and stained old sofa. Mello did not care to ponder what those stains were.

And there they sat. 

Mello felt the tension as the seconds seeped by with the viscosity of molasses. To alleviate his boredom and distract himself from any anxiety he had over his upcoming surgery (which he didn’t have at all being a big, badass wise guy), every so often Mello would glance over at Light, to study his face, just to see if he’d sprouted horns or a tail or maybe even an evil goatee. 

_Nope. Damn. Still a sexy bastard._

Mello slouched in his seat, one arm casually draped over the back of the sofa (and Light’s shoulders). To Mello’s secret amusement he noted that the mighty Kira sat cross-legged, like a girl and every so often he’d study his cuticles. They’d been waiting so long that Mello actually startled a bit when the door finally flew open to admit the nurse telling him “Dr. Nicholas will see you now.”

Mello found this “Dr. Nicholas” to be an unscrupulous looking fellow with sallow skin, black, slick-backed hair and that evil goatee that Kira lacked. His baggy labcoat didn’t fit quite right, and the peculiar way he handled a scalpel set Mello on edge. The mobster-detective wouldn’t be surprised if this so-called “doctor” got his medical degree from an online scam school. Given other options Mello would not be in the same room as this guy let alone agree to be operated on by him. Had he been betrayed? For that matter, what was preventing Light from having this “doctor” kill him? Sure, he needed someone to play Misa but couldn’t he just hire and coach some blonde hooker to play the part and the stupid police detectives wouldn’t be able to tell the difference? Maybe it was something else? Something that was, in Mello’s opinion, far worse? What if Dr. Nicholas specialized in another kind of operation and they were going to force it on him? What if he went under and woke up castrated? 

Mello caught Light smiling benignly at him before the door swung closed and a wish of “Good luck,” was called after him, seemingly without malice. 

_He’s Kira. it’s not like he isn’t that vindictive._

Mello’s thoughts spun in circles as he attempted to put his emotions in check and look at the situation rationally. Of course just because Light was being nice to him didn’t mean there wasn’t an evil plot afoot, it just meant that if there was one Light was hiding it very well. It was a distinct possibility given that he’d managed to hide being a ruthless mass murderer for six years. 

The mobster-detective swallowed nervously upon seeing the sharp glint of the various metal instruments of pain sitting all too innocently in a tray beside the operating table and when Dr. Nicholas tried to bring the face mask up to administer the anesthesia Mello suddenly stopped him and pinned him with his hard, icy blue gaze. 

“No.” 

“W-what?!” 

“I don’t trust you,” Mello said bluntly. “I want to be conscious for whatever you’re planning to do.” 

“I-I strongly advise against this,” stammered the doctor who was sweating like someone whose life was forfeit if he fucked this up. 

_It shouldn’t be too bad,_ Mello rationalized, _I didn’t have anesthesia the first time I healed my burns. I survived._ He neglected to acknowledge to himself how he’d been screaming in pain and begging for death.

“A-alright… You need to stay still then, please, can you do that?” asked Dr. Nicholas as he came at him with the knife.

***

 _Meanwhile back at the hotel…_

“Er… do you guys know what a high biscuit is?” Matsuda asked the other taskforce members as they began to arrive, congregating around the hotel room they were using as a temporary HQ while they investigated matters here in the U.S. 

Ide looked askance at the village idiot as he posed his stupid question—this should prove entertaining. “A _what?!_ ” 

“Er… Light said Misa was sick and he had to run her to the hospital and something about leaving us the spare key in a red high biscuit in the lobby. Or something—he called me on my cell phone and the reception was really bad.” 

The group collectively turned around and began slowly shuffling towards the lobby like the mob of caffeine-deprived zombies that they were, though Aizawa just had to ask: “What could he have meant by a high biscuit?” 

“Is that like a bakery drug stash?” snarked Ide.  
“Maybe it’s a code for something else?” Matsuda chimed in, ready to break out his decoder ring that came as a prize in his Fruit Loops this morning. 

“Or a _hibiscus,_ maybe?” Mogi grunted idly as he scanned through _The Los Angeles Times_ looking for any leads.

“A what?!” 

“A hibiscus.”

“What the hell is _that?!_ ” 

“Some kind of flower, I think. Why?” 

Matsuda clapped his hands. “That makes sense!” 

“More sense than a red biscuit,” said Aizawa, covering his grin. 

“Barely,” grumbled Ide. 

“Wait. Why does that make more sense?” interrupted Mogi. 

“Because I think he said it was in a planter and we’re looking for a red one,” Matsuda duly reported.

Just then the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, giving them a full view of the lobby. 

Matsuda groaned aloud; there were planters and flower pots everywhere! They were along the walls and on the countertops and next to the furniture… and most of the flowers were red. 

“Okay… does anyone know what a hibiscus looks like?” asked Aizawa, an almost pleading note entering his voice. 

There were several grunts in the negative and many shaking of heads. 

Aizawa gave a defeated sigh. This was going to take a while. 

***

Back in the waiting room, Light stood by the window overlooking the city watching the sun rise over his kingdom. Though his demeanor seemed tranquil his thoughts were deeply disturbed by what he’d just seen. Someone had just come in and turned on the waiting room TV to celebrity news. Light hadn’t really been paying attention until they started talking about him… well, Kira: 

_“Heiress and part-time actress Penny Milton was found dead of a heart attack this morning. Was she judged by Lord Kira? More at eleven.”_

The talking heads had then gone on to speculate that it was either drugs or Kira, most likely Kira because her last movie was declared a crime against humanity and of course Ms. Milton would never use drugs!

This alone might have been ignorable had it been just an isolated incident but once Light began paying attention to it he noticed a disturbing trend—many blonde celebrities were dying under mysterious circumstances and now one of them had even died of a heart attack. He’d have to check with Mikami but he feared he’d been right—that there was another notebook owner active in the human world.

The sound of screaming abruptly interrupted Kira’s evil overlooking session. Light retreated from his spot by the window and followed the cacophony back to its source; unfortunately knowing exactly who that particular set of lungs belonged to. 

“Mello…” 

***

Meanwhile back in the lobby of a Los Angeles hotel a group of Japanese men are receiving odd looks as they dig their way through every flower pot in the building. 

“Why did we let Light have control of the keys again?”

“He’s the only one whose name was never publically connected to the case. Kira could control and kill any one of us if he had a mind to do it.”

“I don’t like it,” grumbled Ide. 

“Ide…” Aizawa cautioned, trying, and failing, to head off another rant. 

“I don’t like this. He sits there all safe while we’re all in danger! I didn’t like it when it was L. I still don’t like it with Light!” Ide’s sour mood didn’t improve when he accidentally smudged soil from the flower pot on his face when trying to wipe the sweat from his brow. “What business does a guy have knowing all the names of flowers anyway?” he groused. “Hell, if he wasn’t pumping Misa I’d swear Light was queer!” 

“Woah, that’s completely uncalled for.” Aizawa chastised. “Let’s try to remain professional here. What our coworkers do in their off hours is none of our busine—actually, on second thought it is our business. It may just be relevant to the case—if Light is gay then why would he keep Misa around?” 

“Er… so people won’t think he’s gay?” suggested Matsuda. 

“Or because Misa is the second Kira.” 

“Not that again!” Matsuda groaned. “Maybe we should just come back tomorrow. We don’t have the key, we can’t get into the room, and now you’re all accusing Light-kun again even though we cleared him five years ago! There’s no way he could be Kira!” 

While Matsuda ranted, Mogi left wordlessly —not for the exit but for the elevator. Miraculously, one of the others noticed what Mogi was doing and perplexed, followed him and soon the rest of the taskforce had crowded into the elevator after him in a most sheep-like fashion. 

“Uh… Mogi? What are you doing? We don’t have the key.” Matsuda needlessly pointed out when Mogi stopped in front of the hotel room.

“I want to try something,” the big man said as he took out his wallet and retrieved a credit card which he then wedged between the door and the lock, back and forth, _back and forth,_ and ruining the card in the process. After much shuffling, griping, and eye rolling on the part of the taskforce the door unexpectedly clicked open. Mogi looked rather bashful when he saw he had everyone’s attention for seemingly the first time in five years. “Uh… Aiber showed me how. I always wanted to try that.” 

Meanwhile Matsuda bounded on in through the open door. “Hey Ryukie! Here boy! I brought apples!”

Aizawa felt his brow twitch in irritation at Matsuda’s usual idiocy. “It’s not a dog, Matsuda!”

“Weird. I didn’t see him around yesterday either. Do you think he doesn’t like this kind of apples?”

“I think it’s more likely he’s gone back to Kira and is reporting on us.”

“Aw, shit,” Ide mumbled as he put out his cigarette. 

“What now?!” Demanded Aizawa. 

“I never realized how easy it is to break into our HQ.” 

“Shit, you’re right! It almost makes me miss our old HQ—even with its hundreds of security check points.”

“Oh no! Do you really want to go through that again? Remember? You had to take your pants off every morning because the metal detector kept registering your belt buckle as like, a piece of a bomb or something!” Matsuda whined. 

“I said _almost,_ ” Aizawa clarified. “And sure L went a bit overboard with security but you had to admit it worked…”

“Did it? Really?” 

“You guys do realize we’re on a budget, right?” Mogi reminded them and was ignored. 

“I know. Let’s go ask L if all that extra security crap worked. Oh wait we can’t because _he’s dead._ ” 

“I hate to say this but… Matsuda has a point,” mumbled Mogi. 

“Hey!” 

Aizawa sighed. “Still, this is a joke.” 

Matsuda yawned and collapsed dramatically on the couch. “You know I’ve been thinking…”

“Really?” 

“That’s a first…” said Ide. 

“Shut up you guys. I was thinking that maybe we should call it a day. We can’t get much done without Light here anyway.” 

“Matsuda! We just got here! That’s got to be a new record of laziness, even for you!” Aizawa snapped. He wasn’t about to have gone through all that and then not get any work done! So the police officer formerly known as Afrocop threw off his brown coat onto the couch (ignoring Matsuda’s cries of protest when said coat hit him in the face) and rolled up his sleeves and turned to face the L-style hacker cave system Light had set up. It looked daunting, with dozens of looming monitors, and exposed wires and microchip boards where modifications had been (and were continually being) made. 

Matsuda scratched the back of his head. “Uh…. does anyone know how to turn it on?” 

“Light is usually here working with the system booted up and ready to go by the time we all get here. He hadn’t missed a day in five years,” Aizawa muttered as his eyes sought the power switch. Until that moment the taskforce didn’t realize how integral Light had become to continuing the Kira investigation. 

Aizawa finally found the “on” button as Ide inconsiderately lit up another cigarette right there in the hotel room. “Anyone want to try and guess the password?” 

“I think he once said he changes the password pretty often too,” Matsuda suggested unhelpfully. 

Mogi shrugged. “Try ‘Potato chips’?” 

“No, no, no. It would be an alphanumeric. You know, because it’s harder to crack or something,” Matsuda insisted. “And it wouldn’t be something personal or obvious like that! It would be something that no one would suspect him of using!”

Aizawa narrowed his eyes and began typing various combinations.

Ide rubbed his eyes tiredly as Aizawa once again got the “Access Denied” screen. “Why do we even have to do this again?”

“Because Misa is sick,” Matsuda supplied. 

“So? Why can’t Misa get a cab of something? You’d think catching a mass murderer would be more important than coddling his fake girlfriend.” 

“And that, Ide, is why you’re still single,” Aizawa muttered as he made another attempt to access the system. 

“No, really. Why are we not more suspicious of this? At one time they were both suspects…”

“No way, none of that! It was an emergency! Misa was really sick! I could hear her coughing!” Matsuda defended indignantly. 

“You could hear Misa coughing but you couldn’t hear Light telling you where he put the key? High biscuit? Really?” 

“Shut up!” 

“You know, that almost sounds like when Eriko used to get morning sickness…” Aizawa idly commented as he tried yet another combination. He didn’t expect it to work but felt it was marginally better than sitting around doing nothing like the others. 

“I’m in,” Aizawa suddenly announced, not bothering to hide his own surprise. 

“Wait, you think Misa might be pregnant?!” Matsuda exclaimed.

“I just got the system up and running!” 

“And just a couple of weeks ago she quit that movie too…”

“The password is ‘K1raRul3z112806’ in case you were wondering.” Aizawa tried again but it was too late, the taskforce’s focus had already shifted onto this juicy piece of office gossip.

“Holy crap, Misa’s pregnant! Light knocked her up!” 

“Hello! His password is Kira Rules. And 11-28-06—the date the Kira murders started.”

That finally got someone’s attention. Unfortunately it was Matsuda’s and it only lasted for half a second.  
“That’s…. brilliant! No one would suspect the leader of the of the Kira taskforce to have such a password… how did you guess it, Aizawa? But oh! They’re having a baby! Isn’t this exciting!” gushed Matsuda. 

Ide shuddered. “This is Misa we’re talking about, remember. Misa, getting all weird and moody and uh… pregnant. We’d better buy earplugs.”

“Do you think the baby will be really smart like his dad?”

“You know what this means?” 

“Yeah, we’d better childproof headquarters.”

“He’s mocking us. Light is Kira. He has been this whole time!” 

“Do you think they’ll name him after me since I’m Misa’s manager and all?” 

“Why would anyone name their kid after you?” 

“Why wouldn’t they want to name him after me? I’m Misa’s manager! And I fell off a building once! It was cool!”

“Screaming like a little girl is cool?” Mogi asked in bewilderment.

“I don’t want to believe it either… Just thinking of the Chief—I don’t want to believe that his son is capable—”

“We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl yet,” said Ide. “Would you like to have a little girl as your namesake, Matsuda? Maybe she’ll sound just like you.”

“You guys suck!” 

Aizawa groaned and gnashed his teeth at the stupidity of his colleagues, mostly Matsuda—the way Matsuda was cheering you’d think he was the one who banged Misa. “Forget I said anything!” Aizawa bashed his fists on the coffee table and left in a huff. 

“What’s his problem?” asked Matsuda as he and the rest of the taskforce began planning the surprise baby shower they’d throw the (un)lucky couple.


	10. Light-Hearted Affairs

_“DON’T TOUCH ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER! YOU HEAR ME BITCH?! I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”_

Dr. Nicholas decided that this just wasn’t his day. 

The unlicensed mob doctor flinched as his blonde hysterical patient had just paused in her… his(?) (he wasn’t sure but the gender of the patient/customer didn’t really matter for this procedure and frankly he didn’t care nor felt the need to ask) incessant screaming in order to try and wrest the scalpel out of his hand in order to stab him with it. That’s when the young man who came in with him… or her(?) furiously threw the door open and demanded: 

“What the hell is going on in here?” 

_Great—this must be the overly protective boyfriend._

Dr. Nicholas noted he was well-dressed and quite memorable seeing as he was an Asian kid with hair that was a strange shade of auburn-brown—that’s not something you see every day, even in L.A. which might be useful information for future reference. Seeing the look in the boyfriend’s eye, the hack doctor figured he’d be sharing this information with a police investigator soon enough—that is of course assuming he’d make it out of this alive… But at least the man’s sudden appearance had provided a distraction and the good doctor managed to get his scalpel back.

“The patient is refusing anesthesia,” the doctor muttered and the patient and the patient’s boyfriend glared at each other in a silent battle of wills. Dr. Nicholas nearly quailed in fear, he could practically feel the dueling auras of killing intent in the air, and wondered whatever he did to deserve being stuck in the middle of this pissing contest between two very dangerous individuals. 

The patient’s face was in even worse shape than before—bleeding freely from the surgeon’s first exploratory cuts. Dr. Nicholas was trying to stop the bleeding but the patient kept squirming. Under normal circumstances he would have at the very least given him a local anesthetic ; however this patient was extremely mistrustful of any drugs that he might give him and wouldn’t even accept something as benign as a localized numbing agent. 

The patient’s boyfriend made a disgruntled sound, low in his throat, before snatching up the clear plastic face mask.

“ _No!_ ” blondie protested feebly as the boyfriend shoved the gasmask forcefully over blondie’s face. 

“Dammit, _Mike!_ Quit being a macho idiot! You don’t have to prove anything to me by being in pain!” The boyfriend hissed. Well that solved that question—blondie at least identified as male… 

“Like I’d listen to _you_ , you selfish, vindictive asshole! I’m wise to your plan, _Luke!_ You think I wouldn’t notice?”

“What the hell are you talking about?!” “Luke” demanded perplexed and more than a little irritated by the accusations.

“Don’t play _dumb!_ You want to force a sex change operation on me while I’m unconscious!”

Dr. Nicholas paled— _that_ most definitely wasn’t his specialty and something he refused to do. The hack doctor wasn’t about to admit that he drank and partied his way through medical school so most of his medical knowledge came through trial and error and, one time, having spoken to a very bright eight-year old girl, so it was probably just as well that he never specialized in doing things to people’s genitals. But of course he knew what he was doing for _this_ procedure or he wouldn’t have risked his life on it dealing with such shady clients. Luckily the boyfriend seemed just as confused and sickened by the accusation. The doctor made to back away but found to his secret misery that to get to the door he’d have to get by both Delusional and Psycho. Dammit, he didn’t get paid enough for this! 

***

“WHAT?!” Light shook his head in disbelief. _How could someone as smart as Mello come to such a ridiculous conclusion? I guess that’s why he was the second in line,_ the brunette thought uncharitably. 

“ _I won’t have it!_ ” Mello shrieked manically while tugging hard against the restraints. 

Somehow Light thought that telling Mello that no sex change operation was necessary because he was girly enough already would be detrimental to his goal of getting Mello to calm down. 

“Er… I’m mainly a plastic surgeon and my specialty is the face. I don’t do sex changes,” the doctor clarified to the near-hysterical man and privately considered what the patient really needed was a psychologist. 

“Michael, _look at me._ ” Light demanded while grabbing the flailing man by the chin, locking eyes with his damned stubborn cerulean eyed beauty.

“Alright, if I’m as selfish as you believe me to be than why would I destroy something that gives me pleasure, hmm? You should know damn well that I enjoy your dick, Miha… _Michael._ ” 

Mello gaped as he stared up into Kira’s soulful honey-colored eyes while the would-be God softly brushed Mello’s bangs out of his face.

Well that settled it. Light was usually such a polite prude in public that he _had_ to be _serious_ in order to drop the polite act and air embarrassing details of their sex life in front of a total stranger like that (while said stranger was looking like he’d rather be anywhere but here…)

“Now take the damned anesthesia—your screaming is giving me a headache.” 

Mello ceased protesting and allowed the doctor to place the gas mask over his face. Then his vision tunneled down to nothing and everything went black. 

*** 

The next time Mello opened his eyes he wasn’t too sure if he was awake or still asleep. The florescent lights that lit the seedy clinic’s room were way too bright and everything had a general sense of unreality—that and Kira was cuddling up next to him on the hospital bed, holding him possessively while pressing a chaste kiss on his forehead. Five words that sounded as if they came from a great distance away registering on Mello’s consciousness before he faded out again: “ _You are such an idiot._ ”

*** 

Mello became somewhat aware of his surroundings again when Dr. Nicholas stopped in to check his vitals and change his bedpan. Before Mello’s suddenly too-heavy eyelids closed again he managed to catch a glimpse of a certain evil brunette that had fallen asleep at his bedside. 

***

When Mello slowly returned to consciousness a third time everything was woozy. It was like he was floating on clouds rather than lying on a stiff clinic bed. He was feeling no pain—though the blonde imagined that if he could feel anything he’d be in screaming agony right now. Mello slowly became aware of another presence sitting at his bedside when that someone started squeezing his hand. It wasn’t Dr. Nicholas (thank God) but Light again—Mello supposed that was slightly less mentally scarring. As soon as Light became aware that Mello was awake and watching him he withdrew his hand swiftly, as if burned. 

_Yes, heaven forbid he gets caught **not** being an asshole…_

Kira abruptly took his bloodied pen to this odd misconception that deep down he might just be a nice person when the first words out of his mouth were to yell at him: “ _WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE?! YOU NEARLY DIED!_ ” 

Mello didn’t understand much of what the brunette was saying though he wasn’t sure if that was just Light being uncharacteristically inarticulate with rage and slipping between incomprehensible English and Japanese or the fact that he himself was currently doped up on painkillers but apparently he was an impulsive, overcompensating _bakayaro_. The blonde just grinned while Light kept ranting at him—he might have gotten pissed off with Light had he been in his normal state of mind but through the filter of the drugs it all just seemed hilarious rather than offensive. Especially when Light kept calling him an idiot; he was one of the top students at a school for genii—he was by no means an idiot. 

“I’m not an idiot,” Mello informed him, voice raspy from sleep and his earlier scream session. 

“Yes you are! You’re a stubborn idiot suffering from a severe case of testosterone poisoning,” Light grumbled again, glaring down at him with that arrogant look in his eye that somehow managed to convey the entire sentiment of “ _I am a long-suffering but benevolent deity who is being forced to put up with the foolish lesser mortals, mainly **you** , so you should be thankful now that I have graced you with my presence._” The brunette’s scowl deepened as he tossed him an ice pack (Mello’s painkillers would be wearing off soon and Light decided he’d prefer to be out of the room by the time that happened) Mello caught it with ease—he might be a bit out of sorts but his reflexes were as good as ever. Though he has always been skinny, Mello took pride in the fact that he could beat Near in any and all physical training. Mello instinctively pressed the pack to his oddly numb cheek and nearly began laughing out loud as he recalled the memory of the last time he’d thought he was awake. Cuddly Light— _pff!_ Yeah right! That _must_ have been a dream. Yet Mello still smirked as Light kept ranting and raving over him. He doubted Light would have been so _concerned_ if he was Misa in recovery—indeed, Mello suspected that if he really was Misa than Light wouldn’t be here at all… Mello also supposed that wasn’t very complimentary to his new boyfriend/associate’s character but nonetheless true. 

“The doctor said you were in so much pain the shock nearly put you in cardiac arrest!” 

Mello rolled his eyes. Kira was mad because he’d nearly had a heart attack. Oh, the irony. 

“You would’ve liked that, wouldn’t you Kira?” The blonde said weekly and Mello winced—stupid surgery! Dammit, he was getting out of this bed as soon as he could, with our without the doctor’s (and Kira’s) permission .

“You...” Light clenched his fist and glowered at the other through the fringe of his bangs. “I should hit you for that… but seeing as you’re still recovering from surgery that would be needlessly cruel and counterproductive to this whole endeavor. But don’t think you’re going to get away with it! I’ll punish you later—that’s a promise.”

“Yeah, yeah. Big talk, Light. That was _almost_ intimidating,” Mello grunted and with some difficulty sat up in bed. He decided to call it progress when the room stopped spinning.

“You’re just lucky that Dr. Nicholas is such a skilled surgeon after that stunt you pulled. That was an exercise in stupidity worthy of the late Misa Amane. You’re not getting lost in character, are you?” asked the older man, arching a fine, fine eyebrow.

“What, no respect for the dead, Kira?” 

Light shrugged and confessed “Sometimes I find it hard not to laugh at funerals.” 

Light Yagami found that few people realized that he had a sense of humor. The truth was that few people could _understand_ his sense of humor. He’d found at a young age that what he found amusing wasn’t appropriate to share in polite company—and apparently not even Ryuk was morbid enough to appreciate what Light found funny: pages full of dead criminals were funny, his enemies dying most stupidly was funny, hell, Light had even made a list of dead-L jokes in his head even though he genuinely missed having his ex-lover/nemesis around— somehow Light didn’t think Mello would appreciate them either. But it was all just so frickin’ hilarious! The mighty L falls out of a chair and dies. No blaze of glory, no fanfare to mark his passing—it was all just so _stupid_ he had to laugh. 

“So… How bad is it?” Mello asked tentatively. He didn’t think that Light would be trying to joke around with him if his face had been reduced to hamburger but then with Kira you never know…

Light passed him the mirror. 

Miraculously, despite Mello’s attempted homicide, the surgery had been a success. His face was still in the process of healing but when Mello pulled back the bandages it was already clear that it was looking better than before. So his face was fixed and Mello’s fears had proven to be unfounded. That was fine. He wasn’t apologizing. That just wasn’t his style. 

And yes, they’d left his man parts alone (the first thing he checked when he first awoke, naturally). Speaking of which… 

Light yelped when Mello grabbed him around the waist. His hold was hardly constraining, he was feeling so weak right now Mello had no doubt that Light could break his hold if he really wanted to. 

“So… you enjoy my dick, huh?” Mello smirked against his ear, lightly blowing on the strands of red-brown hair so that they tickled against his skin. The way Mello saw it Light didn’t have to answer—the way he shivered and leaned into the blonde was answer enough. 

“Must you be so insufferably crude?” 

“You said it, not me.”

“Shit, don’t tell me you’re horny just after surgery!” 

Mello laughed as the disbelief was written plain upon Light’s face. 

“Well I do want to make sure everything’s still in working order after our little… misunderstanding.” 

Light squirmed slightly and Mello’s answering grin could’ve made a Shinigami envious. “Yep… we’re still good here.” 

“You’re impossible!”

“You love it.” 

***

 ** _Meanwhile back at Taskforce HQ…_**

Aizawa wasn’t sure how his idiot coworkers managed to talk him into going out on a coffee break with them after making his earth-shattering revelation that Light is indeed Kira. Especially since Mogi remained behind, working diligently as always on all that pointless busywork that Light had first assigned them five years ago—going over all the recorded heart attacks that were happening all over the world since Kira emerged in the hopes of gleaning some pattern. (In retrospect perhaps he should have guessed earlier considering how Light kept leading the investigation in circles…) 

Aizawa supposed he’d rationalized his accompanying the others out to himself by deciding that someone had to be the voice of reason—the adult, the chaperone, the sane one, the designated thinker, _something_ —since Matsuda had somehow even managed to talk Ide into throwing the “happy couple” a surprise baby shower, as usual, totally ignoring the possibility that Light and Misa could very well be the serial killers their team had been hunting. Aizawa knew that what he had discovered was hardly definitive proof—his case against Light was circumstantial and shaky at best and, knowing Light, if Aizawa were to confront him with this he could easily talk his way out of it and since no one else on the taskforce was willing to even entertain the possibility he would just end up looking unhinged. No it was best to be patient, resume surveillance, and wait for Light or (more likely) Misa to slip up and incriminate themselves. He supposed if he got desperate he could go to Near but _only_ if he got desperate—the faceless, voiceless presence hadn’t been very helpful so far and had rather questionable motives. Not to mention the L clone was very rude, annoying, and disrespectful of the late Chief Yagami. Aizawa hadn’t been too fond of the original L either but for all L’s faults Near seemed even worse—like he didn’t even _care_. 

No, Aizawa realized he couldn’t rely on the taskforce or Near. He’d have to solve this on his own… 

They had nearly returned from their sojourn to the coffee shop, Aizawa was still nursing his over-heated cappuccino, Matsuda and Ide were arguing over whether it was traditional to hire a stripper for a baby shower or if that was just bachelor parties (and why couldn’t they have both anyway?) while Ide struggled and cursed at the lock on the hotel room again when it happened. As soon as Ide turned the latch on the door the floor shook and there was a deafening roar as a great conflagration went up where the HQ had been not a moment before. Aizawa was knocked off his feet and dropped his four-dollar cappuccino. For a moment Aizawa became disoriented, half-expecting one of Mello’s mafia thugs s to come leaping out of the flaming rubble when Matsuda’s screaming and the horrible stench of burning flesh snapped him back to reality. 

“ _MOGI!_ ”


End file.
